Defending Heart

Chapter 18: All Grey

"Snape is all grey. You can't make him a saint: he was vindictive and bullying. You can't make him a devil: he died to save the Wizarding world," - J.K. Rowling.

One of her very few tweets I actually love and can get behind. 

Harry Potter is black and white. He has never been, could never be grey. Half of him is heads and half of him is tails, there isn't a way to bring those two sides together. He stares at himself in the mirror. Emerald eyes shine back in fear. It doesn't feel like a reflection, it feels like he's staring at the other side of the coin. Which side? Right now he's so confused he doesn't know which he's staring at and which one he is. His skin isn't his. His reflection warps before his eyes, a splotch on his unclean glasses. This situation is too grey for his comfort.

On one hand, James is the leader of The Marauders and it's understandable Severus would presume James guilty. It as a threat and it was something that could affect the rest of his school life. Also, Severus has taken their shit for years - him snapping is totally expected at this point. But attacking people is wrong!... Maybe if James wasn't his son Harry would have an easier time with this. That's the problem really. He's possessive - always has been. If it were anyone else he wouldn't care but this is James. And Harry knows his son isn't actually a bad person.

He finally realises what side he is right now. Practicing his glare in the mirror he steps out to the conference room where the Head of Slytherin House awaits. "I want to take control of this situation." Harry crosses his arms confidently. "I'd like to be the one to deal with the incident,"

"Are you sure you're the right person for that?" The Head asks sceptically. "Emotional involvement can influ-"

"I'm fine. I can handle this," he assures. "I'm a professional under pressure," 

"Well, I guess I shouldn't except anything different," the Head chuckles. "You are the Boy-Who-Lived after all. You must be emotionally strong!"

Harry winces, withdrawing into himself. "Uh-Huh..." spoken with gritted teeth. He storms from the room after that with vague permission to 'deal with' this one his own. It's more complicated than he expected, he knows he's in over his head. Not only is this emotionally delicate but politically delicate. He can't give Severus special treatment because they're dating or persecute Slytherin because a member of the house attacked his son... and the last thing he wants to do is assign anyone another detention. It's tiring. 

Being 'fair' isn't on the table, he decides quickly. Not with this.

* 

Severus mopes in his bed, staring up the ceiling. He has no motivation to do anything - he wouldn't be able to concentrate if he dd. Knots of worry wind and tighten around his insides. A sharp throbbing pin in his gut. He feels like a rope stretches at both ends, fraying and about to snap. All he can do is wait in this torturous chamber of a dorm until someone comes to deliver the bad news. Maybe he'll get expelled, oh Tobias would love that. He grins wryly. 

His thoughts are muddled, he hasn't even made his mind up on himself. The attack is a blur of shifting monochrome. A greyscale model appears before his eyes, only the blood has its colour intact. Are these his own thoughts or a loop of film replaying his mind, one from sometimes before the invention of colour TV? Footsteps outside his dorm make his grin drop. 

His door swings open and in walks Harry. He doesn't look all that intimidating right now, just tired and confused. That hurts Severus, it reminds him of Lily's horrified expression. She still hasn't spoken to him. He wonders if this one mistake has ruined every relationship he clings to. Tearing his best friend from him, his best friend of 5 years who looked so betrayed. Now his boyfriend, who's child he attacked in cold blood. Because that's what it was - malicious revenge and hate. There's nothing he can say to justify this but he's gonna try anyway. Harry doesn't need to say anything to him, he just starts babbling reasons.