Defending Heart

Chapter 5: The Sinister Truth

He apparates on the interior side of the door, body collapsing in exhaustion against it. Harry acknowledges his laboured, harsh breathing through a constricted throat. The walls close in, vision darkening before his eyes revealing a sliver of light from the upper floor past the staircase of his small home. His heart beats like a hummingbird, he's frightened it'll smash through his ribcage. Staggering and blinded by anxiety he climbs the stairs, a brief interlude of shocked dissociation between the top of the stairs and Hermione's study door. His fake effervescence with that Slytherin boy served only to bottle up his emotions until this moment, and now he fears it's too late to let them out consistently and healthily. Actually, he knows it's too late.

Harry knocks on the door, waiting a torturously long second to hear "C-Come in!"

When he enters, his wife is huddled into the back wall, crying softly in secret while she sits on the sill. She looks up at him with remorse in her eyes before bursting into a fresh set of sorrowful tears.  "H-Hey, it's okay..." Harry strifes over, sitting by Hermione and pulling her close to his chest. He waits patiently for her to cry herself out, but a biting resentment dwells within him that makes him want to scream, accuse, demand. Eventually Hermione wipes away her tears and looks up at him.

"I-I'm assuming 'I'm sorry' wouldn't be redundant..." she almost huffs.

"I just want an explanation," Harry explains, voice numb. The emotions are  still very much there, on the surface and boldly declaring themselves, he just can't vocalise them. "Why did you lie to me for so long?"

"I needed..." she sniffles. "To protect..."

Now, Harry can vocalise his anger. "No, no you didn't! Did you really think I'd react so badly you needed to protect James from me finding out?! You've known me since we were children, how can you think that about me!"

"Not protection for James-!" She snaps back, voice quivering. "For you..."

"What?!"

"Y-You had such a difficult time in school," Hermione explains herself timidly. "And you were raised by tyrants. The smile you get when you talk about James... it's so strong but I know it's fragile. I know how much something like this hurts you! I never wanted your image of James to disappoint you, no matter what,"

Harry sighs, slumping over and grabbing the tissue box, dabbing his eyes underneath his glasses. "Do you see where your logic fails in that?"

She does. The first incident was merely mean words exchanged between children in a queue. Harry would have been concerned, but not disappointed or 'shattered'. If she had told him then and they'd intervened together as his parents, it's likely James' behaviour wouldn't have escalated to this. In protecting Harry from the arbitrary truth, she'd created a sinister truth in its place. "Yeah," she scoffs at herself, a brief and sad smile playing on her lips. "What happens - now that you hate me?"

"I don't hate you," Harry speaks clearly, smiling through the tears as he gazed into his wife's eyes. "I never have and I never will. I love you, Hermione,"

"I love you too, Harry," she whispers back. "But, I have also betrayed you. I think we both need some time. Neither of us are in a fit state to make decisions. We should separate, even if just for a little while,"

The proposal doesn't shock or outrage Harry. I'm fact, he's been thinking the same thing, no malice involved. "You're right. Let's - let's start, and we'll figure out what to tell James on the way,"

"You're staying at the castle?"

"Where else can I stay? Ron's got his hands full with 3 kids, and a 4th on the way,"

"Neville?" She sighs, feeling sorry for her husband, knowing how cold the quarters could be at that castle. Wizards are yet to understand the concept of central heating. Harry shakes his head.

"Busy with work. I'll be fine, don't worry," he assures, reminding himself not to add 'love' on at the end. They wave their wands around the room and Harry's belongings fly into the trunk, before it slaps itself shut. Packing in an instant. Harry holds his trunk, feeling the worm handle beneath his fingertips, remembering his own days at Hogwarts. "Well, Knight Bus should be stopping by soon," he sighs sadly, reluctant to leave. Hesitant of the first step, wanting to forget this ever happened. But if he did, he'd only forget on the surface. Deep down he'll always remember, and there will always be distrust.

Again, he resists the urge to kiss her on the cheek before vanishing into the Muggle street to sit on the kerb and await the bus.

*

"So he talked to you?!"

"Yes,"

"He actually talked to you?!"

"Correct,"

"He-!"

"Lily!" Snape snaps, rolling his eyes and collapsing onto his pillow from his spot where he previously paced the room. "He was very odd about it too. Not the pompous dullhead I expected,"

"What was he then?" Lily asks from a vacant bed on the edge of which she sits.

"He was a complete idiot," his eyes shine with something unrecognisable as he recounts that moment, a grin spreading across his face. "But he was nice. And he made me smile,"

"Woah," Lily's eyes widen. "Not even I can do that. You must be crushing hard,"

"No," Severus  shakes his head in denial a little too hastily, forcing himself to scowl at the accusation. "I am not crushing on him. Like you said, that never happened with you and you know I've always liked you,"

Once that sentence would have brought tension between them, or an awkward and quick goodnight. But after years of intense friendship and bonding, it becomes frivolous. Especially since Severus and Lily sat down, acknowledged each other's feelings - his desire to be with her, her lack thereof - and became even closer as a result. Now, it's said whimsically I'm reference to the past, treated as nothing more than citation info.

"In that case, it must be love!"A blush radiates across Severus' face, made stronger red by the paleness of us skin. Lily grins and stands. "I was just teasing you. Anyway, I'd better return to my dorm. The prefect will have a hissy fit if I return late. And I don't wanna lose anymore points for Gryffindor,"

"Don't worry, Potter will make up for it with his amazing victory tomorrow!" He calls back sardonically, lying down and tugging his sheets up over his school uniform. He hears her go, heels clacking off the stairs before the portrait door swings shut. I'm not 'crushing' on Harry Potter. Such a notion is ridiculous.

Once more for emphasis. "I'm not crushing on Harry Potter. Such a notion is ridiculous,"