Trigger warnings: War, PTSD and dealing with the aftermath of suicide
~Maybe in another life, I could find you there.
Stop, I think, every time that song starts to play,
the one that makes me think of you.
But, I can't ever bring myself to turn it off or skip it.
~Pulled away before your time, I can't deal, it's so unfair
You've been gone for over a decade now;
you'd think I'd be done mourning the way that I do.
But I'm not. Sometimes it bites like it was yesterday.
~And it feels, and it feels like
And, although you didn't die in action,
I still blame the war, the Army,
for your death.
~Heaven's so far away
Probably because I need something
or someone
to blame other than you.
~And it stings, yeah, it stings now
I know that you were injured over there
and that you struggled to get to your doctor appointments two hours away once you were home.
And, yeah, there was a lot of other shit, too.
~The world is so cold, now that you've gone away
But, damn it, did you have to? Did you really?
Of all things, that?
I know the answers, but I still ask the questions.
~Leaving flowers on your grave, to show that I still care
I never did visit your grave.
After I saw your obituary,
I just couldn't.
~Black roses and Hail Mary's
I know, I know
you bought those bullets
with the money I gave you for gas.
~I can't bring back what's taken from me
And, I'm just so angry about the whole thing
And I feel such heartbreak at the thought you're gone.
~I reach to the sky, And call out your name
I know that you just wanted it to stop.
That's all anyone who does this wants... just for the pain to stop.
I get it, probably better than you ever realized.
~Oh please let me trade
I'll never wished to trade that pain with you.
Why does that make me feel...
so guilty?
~I would.
I think you were likely the most beautiful soul I've ever seen.
And, even in that short amount of time,
I fell for you.
~And it feels, and it feels like
It feels like my heart was ripped out.
It's healed, mostly,
but it's scarred up and beaten.
~The world is so cold
I still miss you so much.
~Now that you've gone away.
Don't stop.
~~~
Song: "Gone Away" by Five Finger Death Punch on And Justice for None
