Crack Cocaine

7

Army sat in his bedroom, crying like he did every Saturday. Except today wasn't Saturday, it was Wednesday.

Aloha walked into the room, clearly annoyed, "Army, can you please shut up with that sound you're making." Aloha had never heard anyone actually cry. He lived a very sheltered life.

Army looked up at him sniffing, "sorry, it's just." He began before sobbing into his pillow even more.

Aloha was taken aback by this, "are you.... crying?"

Army nodded.

"But, why?"

"I don't wanna talk about it," Army said, crying even more.

Aloha stood there for a while just staring down at Army. Maybe he was intimidating him, or maybe he wasn't, you never really knew when it came to things Aloha did.

He continued to stare down as he used Army's make up, which Army had for reasons, to create two marks on his cheeks.

"Ok fine," he said sitting up, clearly having been cracked by Aloha's intense and, honestly weird, staring. "Me and Emperor broke up!"

Aloha was confused, everyone was confused, except Emperor, and me, but I'm not allowed to break the fourth wall. But Aloha was mostly confused by Army's incorrect grammar. Which was rare, if not impossible to happen.

"What?" Aloha asked, mildly confused, he didn't really care to be honest.

"Emperor and I broke up!"

"Wasn't Emperor dating Satan?" Aloha asked admiring himself in the mirror as he did so. And fixing up his cheek marks.

"Yea, but Satan is Cthulu—" Army was cut off by Aloha, who was currently putting on Army's parka.

"Satan is Cthulu?"

"We're squids, of course he is," Army said in a very obvious tone of voice, "and I'm Cthulu, but Emperor was mad I didn't let Prince have dog treats and broke up with me."

"What...?" Aloha thought for a second while admiring himself himself wearing Army's hat and parka, and cheek marks, "ok then, keep going."

"And now I only get to see our son on weekends," Army said bursting into tears again.

Aloha did a spittake with the water on Army's nighstand. "Ugh, sparkling," he wiped his mouth and threw the half full bottle in the trash, "so Prince is your son?"

Army nodded and grabbed the sparkling water out of the trash, chugging it he continued to sob. Aloha awkwardly patted his shoulder. Which was a bad move because Army started crying on him.

"There there," he said patting Army's back, "Cod this is worse than Diver giving birth." Which did infact happen last week.

Army continued to sob into his chest. Staining his own parka as he did so. How it got stained by tears and not the constant amount of ink it was subjected to, we'll never know.

Aloha sighed, "if I kiss you will you feel better?"

Army nodded pulling away from his chest and wiping his tears, "yea, probably."

And thus, they kissed, for like an hour, maybe longer, no one was keeping track.

Army