A Boy Named Kookie

Butterfly

My heart stops. A million thoughts penetrate my mind all at once and I can't seem to lock down on a single one. Everyone seems to be looking at me with their breath held and suppressed questions. Raise Jungkook as my own? I would love nothing more, but can I really take on the responsibility of raising a child as my own? Keeping him for the short amount of time was like a dream, however, what happens when it fades and reality settles in. I am a single 24-year-old man, who has yet to fully emerge within the world. My education is coming to an end and I know that upon finishing a job opportunity will be readily available seeing as nurses are always needed. Will it be enough to support me and a growing child?

I feel a reassuring hand pat my leg and take grasp of my tapping fingers within their warm hold. Namjoon gives me an understanding look that shows me he will support me in any way I choose to proceed. The answer seems so easy. I want nothing more than to sign the paper in curly loops, agreeing to love and nurture Jungkook for as long as I live. Namjoon is a calming force, but I long for familiarity. Making up my mind I stand causing a loud creak as my chair wheels backward at the violent movement. "Please excuse me, I need a moment. It won't take long I promise. I..." The words catch in my throat as I stumble forward.

Namjoon makes to follow me, but I shake my head. He nods settling back in his seat as I make my way to the quiet hallway. Officer Hyuk directs me to a garden like atrium down the hall and I am glad for the peace it brings. The garden area has a gentle breeze which gives me a moment to breathe freely. Before I can wimp out I pull my phone from my jacket pocket and hit a contact I have used more times than I can remember. I can hear the dial tone and I wonder what he is doing. I am about the give up on the call as it has rung for a good while when a gentle, "Seokjinnie?" breaks through the static.

I feel tears stream down my cheeks at his hopeful tone. "Yoongi-ya, it's me."

"Hyung, what's wrong? Did something happen at the station? I know you are crying, so don't even try to lie to me." He knows me too well. I tried to keep the sniffles from my voice, but being inseparable for nearly 10 years it is impossible to hide things from each other. Hearing him switch to his Yoongi gruff cadence gives me the strength to pull myself together. "Seokjin, did Namjoon-ah do something? Tell me where you are and I will be there." His concern causes a watery smile to burst forward.

"Oh Yoongi-ya, my feisty friend. Nothing bad happened just an opportunity that we never thought possible." I take a deep breath before I deliver the bomb. "As you know I was asked to the station today to sign the final paperwork. When we arrived none other than Soo-min, Jungkook's mother, was waiting for me." I hear quiet gasp come from the otherwise silent line. "Yeah, not what I expected walking in. Soo-min never made it to the states, she was in Seoul the entire time. Soo-min has the baby in her custody for right now, but not for long. I have been asked to be the primary guardian of Jungkook." The words rush past my lips and I hear a crash from the other side and a small giggle.

"No way, hyung. I may or may not have just dropped my phone down the stairs in the dorm entrance. You mean that all this anguish was for naught? You are going to say yes, right?" His hopeful tone sounds a lot like Yoonie and I know that my decision will affect not only Jungkook but him as well.

Taking a second to collect myself I try to rationalize the situation but the words just tumble forward anyway. "I am so confused... I have been asked to make a big decision. Without you here I don't know how to make the right choice." My voice takes on a desperate tone as the realization fully hits me. If I accept, then the life of the small child is in my hands. If I decline, will Jungkook face the fate of living in a loveless home? I can't help but remember how this whole thing started, a sunny day on a quiet bus, my future became uncertain because of little doe eyes.