Constant

Let your feelings out

Sam's POV

"Let me drive you home" 

I didn't know what to do or think, this was Devon.  Any and every girl would die to have Devon say this to them, but here I am not even trying.  So many thoughts are going through my mind. When my dad left I promised myself I would never trust anyone else ever again. I also promised myself to never like another man. I told myself that all men would walk out on you someday. Of course I want Devon to take me home, but of course I don't want Devon to know that I live in trailer park.  I make a last minute dission and say “OK".  

"Great so lets get going"

"What about Addie? Did she leave?"

"Ya, I'm pretty sure she left with one of her girlfriends"

As we walked to the car I thought about how awkward this car ride could be.  What could I say? What would he say? What would we talk about? Would he judge me based on where I live?  Would he regret being seen with me at the dance once he sees my living conditions?  I wonder if he is thinking the same things as I am.  I doubt it.  I'm probably over thinking all of this. This car ride probably means nothing to him.

I feel someone lightly tap my shoulder pulling me out of my own thoughts. 

"The car is this way, in the student parking lot"  Devon says to me.

I nod and begin walking toward the student parking lot.  As we approach the car I decided to ask the question I’ve been wondering all night:

"So, are you and Addie, like dating?"

He takes a moment and just looks at me.  I tried to read his expression but i just didn't know what he was thinking.

"Sorry that  was a stupid question, sorry for asking" I say.

"No, it's not a stupid question, no need to apologize"  He says

A few moments pass...

"And no we're not dating, just friends.  If you'd even call us that."

"What does that mean?"

"Nothing, Never mind"

“Sorry" I say quickly.

"Stop apologizing, you didn't do anything"

"Sorry... Dammit"

For the first time I think I saw that boy smile, really smile and laugh.  I laugh along with him.  As we finally reach the car.  He opens the car door for me, as I went to get in his tall truck, he put his hand out  for me to use.  Once I got in he walked around the front of the truck, and got in the drivers seat. 

"Okay, so I'm going to need some directions, to your house"

"Okay, pull out and when you get to the stop sign turn left"

"k"

"So, what kind of truck is this?"

"It's a 1964, Ford Pickup"

"Oh, Cool"

"Yup, Do you have a car?  Or better question, do you have your license?" Devon questions.

"No I don't have a car, and I get my license next week."

"Cool, but aren't you already 16?"

"Turn right on 64th street, and ya but I got my permit late, so haven't gotten my license yet"

"Oh, okay that makes sense, do you have a car you want in mind?"

" I really want a 2013 Honda Civic, black"

"Well that was specific"

We both laugh.

"I'll take whatever color I can get but if I can choose I want black"

"Right or Left here?"

"Left"

"Haha it kinda looks like where going to the trailer park"  He laughs, I don't. 

He looks at me confused, while I try to hold back tears.

"Oh My God, I'm so sorry, I didn't know"  Devon frantically apologizes

"Right at this light" I direct

"I'm so sorry" I don’t say anything for what seems like an hour, but in reality it was only a minute or maybe even less.

"I knew it was a bad idea to have someone like you take me home"

"What does that mean?"  He asks me inflection in his tone.

"What does what mean?"

"Someone like me?"

"Someone who thinks that there better than everyone else.  You can have any girl you want, 10 girls throw themselves at you everyday or more, but yet your here with me, a little nobody that lives in a trailer park, and cry’s them self to sleep every night, a girl with no hope, a girl with no constant in her life, and a girl who has nothing going for her!"  I try not to cry as I tell the stranger so many secrets, too many secrets about myself.

We turn into the trailer park.

"It's the baby blue one right there" I say as a single tear escapes my eye. I look away to hide my weakness. Why am I crying? I'vebarley known this beautiful man for 24 hours and I'm already crying over him. This is why I told myself I would never date or lovesomeone ever again. I guess I didn’t break a promise, we're not even dating and there's no way I already love him.

I put my head down, to ashamed to look at the beautiful, curly brown haired and bright blue eyed boy sitting next to me.

"Look at me" Devon says as he takes 2 fingers and places them under my chin to lift my head, gently forcing me to look up at him.

"Yes, I do have girls throw themselves at me, but I don't want another blonde haired girl, that only wants me for my looks, and for bragging rights.  So they can tell all there friends that there dating Devon Foster.  If I wanted that, you wouldn't be sitting here with me right now."

"Why would you want me? Just another girl with black hair and brown eyes, that lives in a fucking trailer park,  there’s nothing special about me.”

"I know that this is going to sound really cliche and maybe even creepy because we've never really talked before, but I love your personality, and I have for a while.

"How do you..." He interrupts me before I can Finnish.

"I see you talking to your friends,  I see you at your locker, I see you at lunch, which yes is all very creepy, but I don't think you realize how beautiful you are, and I've noticed you."

I look deep into his blue eyes, how could this be true? He must be lying how can someone as handsome as him notice someone like me.   This guy, that everyone assumes is a jerk, that only dates for looks, is sitting in my drive way, telling me how he's noticed me. I must be dreaming because good things don't happen to me.

We sit in silence.

"Please say something to me Sam"

"I..."