A Walk Inside My Mind

Hopeful Desperation

There is something about them, about the one who has become attached to my heart. The worst and the best both combine into one when I look into their eyes. The wanting no longer being something small and frail.

Our lives passed by each other like two trains driving by each other, or like school buses on the road; Never touching but somehow knowing the existence of the other. We've crossed paths many times, and yet we never knew each other's name. They weren't the real names anyways, but, the thought is what counts.

The hearts connecting like poisons seeping and destroying one another, not seeing the other's actions as attempts to help. "I just wanted to help you," we both cried out as we felt the pain of toxicity; "I thought I was doing the right thing!" but, there was nothing left but pain in the end.

"We didn't realize from our paths crossing to the nurturing pain we gave, passing by like a sickness infected with where I live let me live without this empty bliss, selfishness... I can see inside you, the sickness is rising, don't try to deny what you feel..." She quoted her own words and some songs to explain to him how he has become sick; twisted with his words and his emotional words towards her.

There was something not right in things he did, doing stuff she just agreed to him to make him happy; she really didn't want to do anything at all, she really didn't. She wanted to speak the truth but there were things that she had to do in order to make sure he was the best of the best.

She wanted him happy, and that was the way to do it; do what he wants and he won't get upset. Do what he asks and he won't do anything like the others did.

I held your hand through your desperation and your darkest nights, so why is it you remind me so much of them? Why is it even though you do not put your hands on me, your words treat me as bad as theirs? Why is it that their treatment has effected me as deep as you?

The only thing I can think of now is how much I still crave for your warmth and love, despite how terrible your sickness rose to hurt me and came to infect me too, "I still love you, even if we are no longer dating, my brother," I whisper in hopes to soon gain him back "I will always be here for you, even if I hurt."

The words were naive as all know, but, it were the words of desperation and hope of a brighter and fixed boyfriend; someone who would no longer hurt her anymore, but, we will see how her hopeful desperation ends.