Little Dark One

Chapter 4: What Happened?

" Dear diary, I had a dream that every living creature in this world had disappeared and I was the only person left on earth. I don't know what day it is, I woke up terrified by that nightmare gasping for air only to find out that a huge part of that nightmare is my reality. I heard the sound of the monitors beeping, I opened my eyes slowly and tried desperately to look at what's around me, everything looked blurry, but it wasn't so difficult to tell that I was in a hospital room. I shut my eyes trying to remember what had exactly happened and how I got here but then in a split of a second, I felt unbearable pain, my whole body was aching and every move hurt so painfully. There were bruises all over my body. Then it all suddenly hit me with a bang. The memory of it all started to occupy my thoughts. It all came in flashes, the phone call, the party, the drugs, my actions, I started freaking out, my heart started beating so fast, and the voices... I started hearing the voices again.

A nurse came running to me saying that I'm okay and that nothing bad is going to happen but I couldn't think straight, I was losing it again. She injected a medication by the iv push while telling me that it will calm me down after a while. I started feeling relaxed and rather sleepy, so I decided to write a bit, or else I might lose my mind for real this time, I don't know what's wrong with me but I'm glad you were in my bag, I asked them to bring you to me because I was not allowed to have my bag yet, I guess they're afraid I might try to hurt someone or myself again, anyway diary I should go now,"

Ciara stopped writing when a lady came in and asked the nurse to leave them alone then sat right beside her. She looked at her with a big smile on her face, introduced herself as Dr. Dubois but asked Ciara to just call her by her name, Alison. She informed her that she's her therapist and that she can trust her and talk to her about everything just like she'd do with a close friend.

Ciara's mind was racing, she was thinking about everything. With all the voices in her head, she didn't know whom she could trust or what she was supposed to think or say, but there was one thing she knew for sure, she needed someone to talk to, she needed to let it out and talk about everything that has been going on, and her diary wasn't enough, she needed someone, an actual person. The voices in her head had been getting louder and louder since that party, she was in chaos, lots of people talking at the same time, no words could be made out and no voice could be singled out, other times it's her sister's words or her mom's singing, and at times it's her dad's voice, and periodically, it's just her talking to herself, telling herself things she doesn't want to hear, sometimes, it gets annoying to the point that she just can't stand it anymore, so she covers her ears or listen to music but nothing really helps. It's all inside her head.

Alison started asking Ciara a few questions, general ones, about her, her family, and life in general. As she realized that Ciara was avoiding talking about her family, she assured her that she doesn't have to talk about the things that made her feel uncomfortable and that she can only talk about things that she's okay with.

It was difficult for Ciara to open up to someone she's never met before, she ended up only answering questions whose answer was either a yes or a no. She couldn't say much so she'd just nod or shake her head. Dr. Dubois kept on asking her about her feelings at that specific moment and to describe them to her in detail, she then asked her if she can hear any voices that other people wouldn't, and that's when Ciara's head lifted and it felt like she could open up to her, she didn't know what was it, if it was professionality, her patience or just the fact that she mentioned something that she'd been struggling with and couldn't open up about until she met Alison, mostly because she was afraid of judgment and that nobody would believe her.

The fact that Alison asked Ciara that exact question meant that she knew, she knew where Ciara came from and she knew why she was struggling. In a matter of seconds, Ciara believed that her doctor had the answer and that she truly wanted to help her which made her want to trust and open up to her. So she told her about the party and her loneliness but she never mentioned her family. Alison knew that Ciara wasn't ready to talk about that yet and it was totally alright. It was brave enough for Ciara to open up about plenty of things at the first appointment.

Ciara spent the rest of the day lying on the bed, not doing anything and not thinking about anything specific, the medication has helped her stay relaxed and less anxious. She couldn't believe what had actually happened to her, although she tried to piece the whole thing together, it just didn't make sense, she'd always been the typical, perfect, and the quietest kid, and the fact that she did all sort of things that she's never even imagined herself doing made her question what kind of person she is.

Few days have passed and everything was going fine, Ciara had to see Dr. Dubois once a week and it was her dearest period of time at the hospital, it felt nice to open up to someone, to have someone around, although she wasn't a friend or anyone she'd talk to every time she wanted it felt nice to have somebody actually care about her well being.

The day when Ciara had to get discharged had finally come and so did her last appointment with Alison, she was excited to finally get her freedom back and there were tons of things she wanted to do and try outside of the building she'd been in for quite some time, she couldn't stand being in a hospital for any more seconds and she thought Alison would be happy for her as well... But something seemed off. Before Dr. Dubois had even opened her mouth, she had that serious look on her face, the kind of look that Ciara despised the most, she knew that when someone has that specific look on their face... They're usually about to say something she definitely never wants to hear.