Little Dark One

Chapter 6: We All Die At Least Once

"As soon as I escaped, I continued running and running with no destination until I was unable to run anymore. I didn't know where I was, or where I was going, I didn't care, I was just grateful I could finally hear the wind playing with my hair, I watched the night sky, the bright stars, the shining moon, God, I missed this, I missed being free, I missed running, I missed feeling alive.

 After I felt so good for a brief time, I came to the perception that I had no place to go, I had already been expelled from college and I have no money, I have left all my things in the hospital, even my clothes, I kept walking around wearing scrubs, I was hungry and freezing, I had no place to go, I wanted to go back to my country, it was enough, I just wanted to go back home and stay in my room for the rest of the eternity, but I had no passport, no plane tickets, and no money, I was afraid if I go back and tell the people in the mental hospital they would lock me up again and I'll have to kiss my freedom goodbye.

I walked the empty streets for hours trying to come up with a solution, but there was nothing. I couldn't think of anything and I was too tired and I just wanted to lie down.

I suddenly felt someone following me, I was so scared I couldn't look back, I started eventually walking fast, then a bit faster then I started running, and when I looked back there was no one, was I hallucinating again? I had no clue. I was losing it I was losing control and I started slightly considering going back to the hospital. I sat on the pavement for a while trying to hold myself together until I felt someone's presence near me.

I looked up to see a homeless old man standing in front of me, and right before I started freaking out, he handed me a very old probably damaged camera. "if you ever forget how to live, let this be your life, your eyes, and your inspiration." he said then immediately walked away.

I was frozen in my place holding the camera trying to process everything, I didn't think much about his words but I thought he'd come back to get his ancient camera but he never did. It was getting very late and the streets were getting emptier, after walking for a bit more, I sat here on this bench all alone in the middle of the night talking to your diary and writing down all my thought wondering how to survive in here."

After wandering around for hours with no destination Ciara looked at the sky, let out a heavy sigh, and thought about everything that happened since the day she got away from home, "I can't do this anymore" she sighed. "I'm freezing, hungry and I have nowhere to go, I'm miles away from home. I let my sister down, my mother ran away and father is in jail, I have no future, I have no more life to live, I can't go any further, I'm so done with everything."

Ciara went to the highest building over there and climbed all the way up to the rooftop. She closed her eyes as she felt the breeze interact with her skin, "You've been through a lot Ciara, you suffered a lot and you lived such a rough life, it's time to be truly free, it's time to take some rest." She mumbled as she walked a few steps closer to the edge. She looked down, "This is so high, it will end in a matter of seconds, be strong Ciara, you can do it." She encouraged herself to end her own life as a part of her was hesitating and scared to death.

She looked in front of her one last time, she looked intently at the buildings, at the cars, at the trees and then at the sky, the sun was slowly rising, it made her think about the time she used to wake up every morning to be the first one greeting it. "Goodbye sun, goodbye beautiful world," She repeated.

And when she was finally ready to set herself free it occurred to her that she was still holding that camera the old man gave her. It looked so damaged but she tried to take a picture anyway just to see if it's working before she'd throw it away.

As she heard a loud clicking, she took a look at the broken screen.

"It's beautiful," she hasped while a tear fell on her cheek, then two and another one that made its way through her face, then countless other tears. She looked at the sky "It's beautiful"  She repeated louder, "our world is beautiful, it's very beautiful" She cried loudly. "Why am I doing this? Why am I doing this to myself?" She kneeled. "I've been hurting myself for years and now I'm trying to end my own life, why am I being like this?"

Ciara cried for a good two hours on the rooftop, overthinking everything while the memories played over in her head like countless movie scenes that refused to get to an end. She remembered Naomi, her sister, "she's still so young to be dealing with all these things on her own... I should have been there for her..." She whispered, she remembered her father, her lovely father who dedicated his whole life to make sure that his two daughters were the princesses of the house, he's now in jail because he wanted them to live a good life to the point that he didn't care if what he was doing was illegal. "I should go back to my country, I should go back and be there for my loved ones. I should be strong for them. I should be by their side" She vowed as she wiped her tears with the top of her sleeves.

The sun was already shining as Ciara went out of the building trying to find her way back to the hospital, this time she wanted to be there, she wanted to get help, she needed to be fine if it's not for her then at least for her family that had fallen apart.

She finally reached the hospital after being lost for hours, she was dirty, exhausted, and unbelievably hungry, she was holding that camera all day, it was what made her realize how precious life is, it made her acknowledge her mistakes, it has brought her to life when she wanted to die so bad. "I'll be forever thankful to that old man, I owe him my life." She repeated.

Ciara entered the hospital after hesitating for a few minutes, Dr. Alison was there, she came to the hospital after they informed her that Ciara ran away. She was so happy to see her back, Ciara broke down crying while telling her everything including wanting to go back to her country and getting better.

She spent 3 months in the mental hospital, it was really tough, but Ciara tried her best to get better and fight her mental illnesses, she had promised herself to never give up no matter how challenging things could be, she became friends with that girl who used to cry every night, her name was Celine and after getting to know each other, they connected and eventually became inseparable. Celine was very a kind-hearted but a broken soul, and although Ciara was suffering as much as she did, she wanted to help her with all her might, she wanted to be there for her and make sure she's safe and away from all the negativity in her mind.

Time flew fast as Ciara was getting used to that place, it wasn't so bad after all. Everyone had a story and a past, they were all betrayed, broken, and lost once, but they were all ready to stand up for each other and protect each other, which made them some of the best people she ever met.

The day when she had to get discharged had finally come and she couldn't be more emotional. She had made some terrific friends in the hospital, and she had already gotten used to living there and following a specific schedule, she was scared that leaving would be a not very good idea but her therapist Dr. Dubois assured her that she was fine and that she was ready to live on her own and be her own guardian. She told her to go back home and make sure to be the best version of herself and be there for her loved ones. Dr. Alison had helped her so much through all the rough things that happened to her, she even paid for her flight ticket.

On her way back home, Ciara had lots of thoughts running through her head, she hadn't spoken to anyone in her family for months, she had no updates on her parents' situation nor did she have any clue how Naomi was dealing with all the drama at home.