Ffi Ffi Fucked Up

Please Read, I'll leave you alone

I'm so sorry.

I just can't cope anymore.

I know we wanted to get better. I know we only said this yesterday.

Yesterday was the best day we have had in maybe a week, but I just couldn't stop thinking about the way we get when its not a good day.

I know you have it worse that me... I honestly get that, but I can't let myself get to that point again. I've been there before and it took pills that barely worked to make me feel better - to get me out of that hole.

Don't take this as me saying you're pushing me to that point because you're not. I'm doing it to myself and its hard to stop from spiraling. I really don't want to be making you worse by the way I become and the with the anger I have inside just at the whole world.

I some how always make you worse - you basically said that yourself the other night - and I just can't forgive myself for doing that.

We both get toxic for one another when we are both like this - you know that as well as I do - and the fact that my anger is coming back because of my slow downfall is just adding to the fire we both have burning inside.

Please don't think my heart hasn't broken just because I'm the one to do this, but I'm hoping this will save our mental health. It worked before.

I can't be the one to make you worse anymore. I can't keep hurting you. You have him to talk to and he'll be there for you. He always is - we both know that. You can trust him and love him.

I've made the decision to deal with all this on my own and I'm ok with that. I have to get better again and I will. I know I will.

I know you loath me right now and I know you will for months  (trust me, I've already thought about it) and I've prepared myself for the storm to come.

There's nothing more I can say that "I'm sorry," but I know you don't want to hear that right now.

Just reading this is probably fueling the fire, but I had to get this off my chest and I think you've muted me...