Ffi Ffi Fucked Up

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I went from 5yrs of on and off bulimia to 7 months of over eating...

Its as if my brain has done a 180° and decided that because I am pregnant, I can get away with constantly binging and no one can call me fat because I'm "supposed to" put on weight.

But now I see the stretch marks on my thighs and hips and I know its not the baby growing. Thats me. I did that.

And now my bulimic demon is panicking. What am I going to do when the baby is born? I can explain the stomach fat, baby, but the fat on my face, arms, hips and thighs is all my fault.

Over eating and no exercise.

I'm still suffering with an eating disorder, it's just the opposite of what it was 7 months ago...

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And the worst part?

I can't talk to anyone about this. He hates me being down on myself to the point where if I even mention an insecurity he shuts down and threatens to break up with me.

And everyone else has shit of their own going on.