Little Writtings

I Hurt Too

Just because I broke up with you doesn't mean it didn't fucking hurt me too.

Just because I dont love you romantically doesnt make breaking up with you and saying good bye to three years of memories hurt any less.

Yes you broke my heart, but also you broke my trust and lied to me. Telling me your apologies meant nothing, and that you were done with this but came crawling back saying you didnt mean it, that hurt.

But the fact you kept making those same promises over and over. Saying you will change and that you'll be there for me but kept doing the same things that hurt me knowing they hurt me only dug the knife deeper.

The fact you got upset when I said we needed to end it hurt. How hurt you got only hurt me more. I hate to be the one who breaks someone's heart.

I hate to hurt the ones I care for especially if I'm hurt because I know what it's like.

I dont want others to feel that way, but when we fought I did my best to bite my tongue to keep every word I wanted to scream to myself.

I didnt hit you where it would hurt you most because I knew how much it would destroy you. I stayed away from your weak points and only said what really needed to be said, as I listened time after time of you treating me like I didn't have feeling. Like you were the only one who felt anything, acting like a child, while I forced my mouth shut to be the responsible one.

Soon I felt like a mother to ignorant child. Screaming why, even after being told the answers. Wanting everything given to them. The answers, apologies they didn't earn, and wanted to know how they caused the mess again and again even after being told why. Ignoring it and refusing to accept the reality of the situation.

This entire thing started because of one damn thing.

It started when I spoke up about how you were hurting me and from there out you made it about you and how much you hurt and never once gave a thought to how you were acting towards me.

When you finally apologized for not even considering how I felt, you took it back.

Forgetting why you apologized and repeating what promised to fix.

Forgetting by going off about how you couldn't take this because you were hurting too much from all of it.

Another empty apology. For your words may have been full of sincerity and sympathy, your actions showed your true intentions.

Finally weeks later we meet and you give me a plethora of apologies and I tell you it's over you get upset. And then you have the audacity to ask how am I even hurting from this? You can only think that because you broke my trust that I might still be hurting.

As if being vulnerable for three years while giving you my heart, soul and mind and getting trampled isnt hurt enough, but having to make the choice to end it.

That hurts.

You are not the only one who hurts, and now I know I made the right choice.

Because even after all this you still can't see that I was hurt by all this, that I feel emotions where you do as well.

Just because I was the one to say enough doesnt make it hurt me any less.