From Ashes and Snow

Road of Atryil.

Chapter 24: Road of Atyril.

Four days into our journey, a great storm rolled over us. I had sensed it hours before it came, tuned senses from years of living in the valley of Dratlan and volatile storms had kicked in when I saw the clouds stirring in the distance. By the time it had hit us, we were secured amongst a small cave system. I was bundled in the fur that Fyr had packed for me, glad for her thoughtfulness as I watched the wind and sleet whip beyond the cave systems.

Greydon huffed as he sat down beside me, ears red and his face haggard. "The horses are still calm. Whatever you did with them worked."

"We used to have storms like this in Dratlan. Wild and violent ones where the wind screamed and howled, the trees cracked and groaned. The horses would balk and panic in the stables, and one Elf had a gift with them." My throat tightened as I thought of Kelin and I remembered how he had talked with the Paladins' horses in the stables, afraid that those humans had mistreated his mounts. How foolish we had been. Those Paladins were most likely good people – following the others of a good Commander.

I swallowed the lump and smiled. "I learned a few tricks from him but he could have had those horses lying down and sleeping, even in a storm like this."

Instead of shying back, Greydon regarded me closely. There was no condemnation, but I simply drew my knees up to my chest and tucked my chin on my knees. I could hear the babble of the other soldiers' voices just barely over the howling wind.

"I think you're very brave, Aviana Birchwood."

There was something in the howling wind that prodded me to unravel. To heave this weight off my shoulders; as if the howling wind would snatch the words from my lips and carry it away, far across the Empire so the shame of it could never linger.

'I am so afraid'

I didn't say it. I locked it down and sealed my lips so that fear could be unspoken. It would fester and rot, but no one would know. No one could know.

"I know fear when I see it Aviana." Greydon said gently. "I've trained enough soldiers. I have felt it enough times myself. You are not weak because you are afraid."

"There is no room for it." I told him. "If I am to stand beside the likes of Fyr, Kohen and Mahon, I need to be immoveable. I need to be brave."

He was quiet for a moment as the world raged around us. "I don't think your fear makes you weak. You were brave in the moments that it counted. You smothered your fear when it counted, and because of that you showed your strength as a person. You don't have to be immoveable at every moment of the day. Let the people see that you are just like them. You might be a Half-Blood but you are not unlike them. Show them that doubt, that fear is not the sign of a faltering fool. Show them that bravery can be found in the smallest of opportunities."

I regarded him quickly. Wordlessly, he shifted back so he could stretch out across his bed-roll. I swept my attention over to the caves just visible amongst the darkness. A guard was already posted and I had taken by turn the night before but had volunteered again to keep watch later. Quick naps kept the nightmares away.

Quietly, I said. "Thank you, Greydon."

I lay out on the bed-roll and listened to the storm rage outside. Even as Greydon slipped into the realm of sleep, I lay awake until it was my time to watch the night.