Sweet Surrender

Chapter 3

The following day,
"Before we begin for today, I need to hear you say your intended goal. What is it you want most, Bucky Barnes?" Maxa inquired. Bucky answered after a moment of silence,
"All I want is to be freed of who I am inside." He looked down as they walked together.
"It would seem you and I are more alike than you may think. I myself have a side of me that needs to be kept in check, and our enemies either want us dead or under their control." Maxa ceased her walking to transform into her Naita Koa form. Though his jaw didn't drop, Bucky was certainly speechless, as he had never seen anything quite like what she is. Eight wings, six legs, two tails, sharp teeth and most likely blazing fire.
What Hydra wouldn't give to have a war machine like you.
He soon noticed her battle mouth mask. It reminded him of the one he once wore, how it silenced him like the caged animal he was lead to believe he was. His head jerked down to the ground, not being able to bare a glance at her anymore. But the beast didn't leave him much of a choice. She soon lowered her head to the Soldier, waiting until he was comfortably seated upon her neck. She'd seen him look downward, and knew why, but thought it best not to talk about it for now.
"You and I have a side no one desires, and therefore must conceal it. I continuously learn to deal with my outbursts of sudden anger, and so must you do with your own side of wickedness."
"Where are you taking me?" Bucky asked as they ventured outside, starting to feel a bit uneasy when noticing Maxa spread her wings.
"The first step on your journey to feeling at peace." She swiftly took to the skies, each pair of wings flapping at slightly different paces to gain altitude. Eventually she was high enough for her liking to glide.
"I sense something in you unlike any other, lad. It is up to you to release it once and for all if you ever wish to be yourself again. I am merely here to help you in that task." Evanna commented, only receiving quiet thinking from him. After glancing back at him, her eyes looked forward in thought.
"Your silence says a thousand words, lad. Words or no words, your soul itself gives me signs."
"Of what?" Bucky questioned.
"That it is in such an inner conflict with itself, it has sealed your mind and mouth shut. You fear of hurting others, and that your memories of your torturous past will always haunt you," Maxa's gentle gaze looked back to him, meeting his eyes, "Memories, they can haunt you or they can build you. That's up to you to decide for yourself." She returned to looking ahead, occasionally flapping a certain pair of wings as she let Bucky think to himself.
"What are you, really?"
"Skepticism will only get you so far, Bucky Barnes. Never let doubt of something always cloud the truth in front of you."
"But if you're such a wise being, why can't you just straighten me out right away? Why drag it out?" His voice almost a mumble as he spoke quietly.
"Because your heart can only handle so much at a time, lad. I know you feel you have waited long enough for a cure, but now that you have the chance of receiving it, patience must be on your side more than ever."
"Why? Why would you help me?" Bucky asked more calmly.
"No soul like yours deserves such a gripping weight on its shoulders. Now there is something I want you to do. Stand up on my neck."
"W-"
"Please, do not question it. You must have faith in me." With a slight though reluctant eye roll, Bucky did as told. The wind now flew through his hair even more as Maxa soared calmly.
"Now spread your arms, breathe in and out slowly. Think about where we are, and enjoy the serenity around you." Sighing first, Bucky Barnes closed his eyes and let the feeling of relaxation settle in his heart. Every now and then he would inhale and exhale deeply, feeling the warmth of the sun and the breeze of the wind. A few moments of this went by, until Maxanarda was ready for the next phase of her plan.
"Very good, lad. As you continue to manage being relaxed, we will increase your ability of trust. With your eyes closed, jump off." After requesting that of him, she could sense his hesitation. The memory of him falling from the train all those years ago began to cloud his thoughts.
"No...I can't do it. I won't!" He shouted with a cringe on his face.
"I promise, I will catch you." Maxanarda did her best to calmly encourage him, "This will help you conquer your fears, the very fears that fuel your hesitation."
"After working for Hydra, being on the run for something I didn't do..." Bucky trailed off before finishing, "I have issues with trust, with...believing there's any hope for me after everything I'd ever done."
"Do you trust in your friend, Steve Rogers?"
"He's about the only one I do." He scoffed.
"And he trusts in me to help you. If you trust in him, you can in me." Bucky sighed with his head down. He then reluctantly turned towards his right side. Instantly he'd decided to jump. The wind fiercely pushed into his face as he dove what seemed an eternity. He could no longer stand it, and closed his eyes. It was just then that he felt large metal paws gently grasp his body. The sound of large wings suddenly burst open to stop herself midair. Afterwards is when Maxa placed Bucky back on her backside.
"You must repeat this, until no hesitation stands in your way."
"I don't think I could go through that again. It felt too similar.."
"That response is unacceptable, lad. There's never been a better time for you to begin the process of healing your very soul. If you do not start now," she turned her head back to face him, "When will you ever?" The soldier drew his eyes away from her gaze. Even the stubborn side within was beginning to accept that anything she spat out was true. He hated being this way, this, monster. The only thing Bucky ever thought to do was go back into a deep sleep. He didn't want to do that for the rest of his life, he didn't want to let Hydra win.

Maxanarda waited patiently for him to relax. She seemingly glided towards the sun through the puffy clouds, until Barnes decided to join them. His eyes remained closed as the air gradually seemed to grow colder. Snowflakes drifted past him. Bucky's eyes opened, and there was a fresh bed of snow below. He yelled an eerie scream, feeling coldness on his hands.
"Barnes. Barnes!" Evanna shouted firmly. This time when his eyes opened, he saw the relieving hold of her paws. It was just the cool evening air coating her metal skin. Bucky's pulse raced as fast as his breathing. With a deep breath he knelt down,
"Falling is how it all started."
"Prior to your dive, bring back fond memories before the dreadful ones have a chance to take over." She held out her paws to the sky for round three. Barnes sighed, then leapt off and straight down yet again. He grinned as he and Steve walked to meet their dates for the night. He even smiled at the sight of Howard Stark's flying car, even after it malfunctioned. When Maxa caught him again, the Soldier's face showed the same expression for her to see.
"Barnes," the Naita Koa's voice stirred him out of the past, "This is the start of a brand new beginning for you."