Sweet Surrender

Chapter 4

"Hey, Buck. How's it going?" Said Steve with a half smile, happy to see his friend regardless of it being through a screen.
"Fine, I guess." The Soldier shrugged softly.
"Do you feel like she's helping?" Sam asked.
"I'm not really sure yet. She says we still have a ways to go." Was all Bucky said.
"Bucky Barnes, it is time." Evanna spoke up politely in the background.
"I have to go."
"Don't go scratching even an inch of my new robot friends there-" Tony started just before Bucky shut the laptop. On the other side,
"Even though it seems they can take a beating," He sighed, "He seems the same to me." Clint scoffed with a roll of his eyes, and Wanda sighed.
"Give it time, Stark. It's only been a few days." Natasha responded.

Maxanarda transformed into an equinebot, her mouth covered with her battle mouth mask, as it always does in this form.
"I want you to use me as a source of chasing away your fears, acting as if they're all standing right in front of you in plain sight." She stood firmly as a statue a few feet from Bucky.
"What am I supposed to do?" He raised an eyebrow with a bit of an attitude in his tone.
"Attempt to control your fears. Your fears should respect you, not the other way around. Show me you are brave enough to face them head on, without the use of weaponry or anger." She answered as a soldier handed him a long stick with a string attached to the end. Bucky gripped the tool in his metal hand,
"What the heck am I supposed to do with this?"
"That is a tool to help your rage turn into confidence. Gain the respect of your fears by getting them to go away by your command." Bucky thought about it as he closed his eyes, letting all of his fears and haunting memories float around inside. His eyebrows began to furrow, and lungs began to breathe deep. His eyes opened. He lifted up the stick and string into his line of sight, before swinging it to the ground with extreme force.
"Move it!" He shouted towards his fears.
"Confidence, not anger." Maxanarda gently reminded. She watched him take another deep breath, something he was told to work on daily. This time he smacked the ground with less anger,
"Go on!" Finally getting what he'd wanted, he caused the six-legged Clydesdale look-alike to move her feet. Bucky pivoted his while watching her trot in a circle around him, occasionally being given more advice from her.
"Think out loud, lad. Tell your fears straight out that you're in command." For a second the sense of feeling silly crossed his mind, but he quickly dismissed it while shaking his head.
Just don't.
"I may never be able to forget you, but I want you to never forget who's in charge," he swung the stick and string to cause Maxa's speed to increase, "You are not my cage, and I am not your prisoner." Bucky abruptly smacked the ground, and this mistake started to cost him the progress of the exercise. Evanna began to slow down, about to stop and face him again when Barnes corrected himself. He simply swung the stick and string down this time.
"You are not my cage, and I am not your prisoner. You are not my cage, and I am not your prisoner..." The Soldier was unconsciously building up confidence as Maxa kept a steady lope. However, another sensation began to build up within. His face began to cringe. Bucky bent over his body to the ground, screaming as he had done during times of Hydra's torture. As he tried taking back the reins of his life, they were saying otherwise. Maxa continued to keep his fears in motion, going in an endless circle around him on the training grounds.
"I am not your cage, and you are not my prisoner. I am not your cage, and you are not my prisoner." She calmly shouted over his aggressive screams. After what seemed an eternity, Bucky's screams finally stopped as he started to breathe heavily. Seeing this, Maxanarda Evanna turned her lope into a steady walk.
"In due time, your hidden quality will be freed. But you are making progress, of which I am proud." She laid herself down next to him, immediately feeling his arm stretch across her back for support.
"Thank you..." Bucky panted between breaths. As the Winter Soldier rested, Colonel Lennox approached the two quietly.
"His heart underwent quite the stress, lad." Evanna spoke softly.
"Should we move him to his room until he recuperates?"
"That is not necessary, lad. However long it takes him to rest is how long I will remain by his side." Her muzzle gently brushed some of his hair off his face ever so slowly. The colonel nodded, and continued on with his day. As Maxa remained with Bucky, there were some who stopped by to check on them. Each time she would say the same thing she said to Lennox, then they'd move on. Time continued to float on by, until the beastly Autobot began to feel movement. Bucky moaned softly while sitting himself up and rubbing his eyes,
"How long was I out?"
"Several hours, lad."
"And you stayed here the whole time?" She nodded softly in reply.
"You didn't have to do that. I would've been fine on my own."
"Perhaps. But from what I've learned, you've been on your own for far too long. Now, I must patrol the base, and a walk in the fresh air will do you good." Bucky shrugged,
"Might as well. I'm wide awake now." He attempted to get up and stand on his own, but something in his head disoriented him. It was making it hard for the Soldier to focus, and therefore hard to think about walking let alone standing. The weary man found himself leaning upon Maxa's back during their walk to the outdoors. He tried several times to walk on his own, but he felt so dizzy he just couldn't. When the two had made it outside, she transformed into her humanoid form. Before Bucky fell to the ground she gently caught the human in her hand,
"Your other side must be lingering, therefore clouding your mind."
"How long will this go on?" Bucky groaned with a hand on his head.
"I am not certain, but for now all you need to do is rest."
"I haven't had an order that simple in a long time." He laughed a bit.
"What was it like for you-"
"Before I became like this?," Bucky interjected, "Back before Steve became a super soldier, I enlisted in the army. I was Sergeant James Barnes of the 107th, until Hydra had their way with my life."
"You still are James Barnes, lad. You always will be no matter your actions, past or present." He thought a moment about what she said, keeping his eyes on the ground,
"I can't ever undo what I've done."
"Though that is true, you shouldn't let your past control your future. You were not in control back then, but you are now. Be who you want to be, not what they made you to be." Maxa watched as Bucky slid off her hand to sit on the ground,
"I don't know if I know how to anymore."
"I see it in you, Bucky Barnes. And I know Steve Rogers does as well."
"He has high hopes for me."
"Do you wish to conquer your demons or not, Barnes?" Her tone turned slightly stern.
"They've already conquered me. I know you and Steve think there's still hope, but I think it's too late."
"Continue to think this way, and there is no hope. You may have given up on yourself, but I, however, can not." With a swift exit Maxanarda transformed into a Naita Koa and took to the night sky. She wished to leave him alone with his thoughts, letting their conversation sink in. Well, it was definitely working. Her last words were echoing in his head as his eyes tracked her movements amongst the stars. In the back of his mind, Bucky darn well knew his old self was saying she was right. It didn't take long for the soldier to want to apologize to the leader, feeling worse than usual. He also knew that Maxa didn't have to help him, but yet here she was doing just that. Out of all the beings in the universe, an ancient robot steps up to take on the challenge. Bucky lowers his head closer to the ground he sat on, burying his face in his hands. The cold touch of his metal hand practically stung his cheek, traveling all the way to his very heart. About an hour later, he raised his head to look up at the sky again, but was surprised not to see her flying around. Bucky was startled when he realized Maxanarda was standing right next to him. Remaining a Naita Koa, she started to walk back towards base. Finally after all that resting he was able to stand on his own two feet like anyone else, and followed quietly behind.
"Maxanarda, why are you wanting to help me?" His soft and cracked voice broke the silence between them. Bucky still couldn't come to grips why anyone would want to help him after what he's done and who he's become. The Naita Koa approached her fellow team of beasts before stopping cold in her tracks.
"Because you deserve a second chance." Bucky glanced down with a nod as he turned around. He started to head off to his room, and looked back one more time.
What did I do to deserve a second chance?