𝐁𝐥𝐨𝐨𝐝𝐬𝐩𝐨𝐫𝐭 [Shadowhunters]

Chapter Five: Life is Different

𝐅𝐈𝐕𝐄 다섯
𝐋𝐈𝐅𝐄 𝐈𝐒 𝐃𝐈𝐅𝐅𝐄𝐑𝐄𝐍𝐓 ━━━━━━━━━━━━━

❝Hana would sooner let the world burn around them than see Clary hurt. Despite the fractured pieces of trust between them, the feeling of fierce protectiveness and loyalty to Clary felt like a blazing flame in her chest, keeping her warm and sane throughout this mess.❞

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Hana Kim was tired.

Physically; mentally; emotionally.

Which was not to say that on normal days she was not tired, but it had been an exceptionally long few days, and things were getting even messier. She had just gotten off the phone with an incredibly tense and anxious Simon, which only made her more stressed, and now she missed her bed back at Magnus' even more. Hana hadn't had a proper meal or good nights sleep in days, and she felt as if she was slowly but surely drowning in her own thoughts. With Clary awake, she thought things would be better, but that didn't seem to be the case.

Things were falling apart. After Jace had left the two of them to gather their bearings following their conversation, Clary begun to talk in clipped tones, citing needing to change into proper clothes as an excuse to drift away from Hana to the corner of the infirmary. Before that, they'd had a brief but tense conversation about the rune (not tattoo) Hana had drawn on her neck. She had tried to explain the whole runes thing, mentioning the insignia she had been drawing in her sketchbook and on Simon's van, but Clary only left her to stew in the silence as she changed.

At least she hadn't kicked her out or told her to go to hell, right? That had to count for something.

"Clary," Hana said into the silence, a plead in her voice. Clary started resolutely at her own reflection, unresponsive. "Clary, please talk to me. I know everything is shit, but just– don't shut me out." Hana couldn't lose her—she just couldn't. Clary (and Simon by extension, but their friendship didn't run as deep as her and Clary's did) was the first person in a long, long time, that made Hana feel normal.

Happy, even. Seen.

But most of all, she made Hana feel fiercely cared for, in the way that only Clary Fray—the beautiful, stubborn, protective and infinitely caring whirlwind that she was—could make a person feel.

And after feeling like a burden for her entire life, Hana couldn't lose that.

Clary sighed, whirling around to face Hana. Her face was set in determination, and Hana was once again floored by the way Clary seemed to handle everything that was thrown at her with an uncanny degree of grace and bravery. "I don't want to shut you out, Han. I don't– we're best friends. Of course I'm not going to just ignore you forever, but..." Clary trailed off, her hands waving frantically at everything around them. "All of this is just. It's a lot, for me? And I know you probably have an explanation, but I don't know if I can handle anything more than this right now. I don't know if I trust you enough to believe anything else you tell me."

"Okay," Hana whispered, more to herself than anything. Then, a little louder, "Okay. I can respect that. I'll– when you're ready. When we both are. I'll explain everything to you." She said with finality, and then left it at that. Hana couldn't bring herself to offer any words of comfort, or apologise, because this was the Shadow World—it wasn't all black and white. Pretty words wouldn't change anything. It was ironic, that someone with Seelie blood wouldn't see the value in pretty words, all things considered, but she didn't like to think about that side of her.