Comedic Marvel Oneshots

Horny Thorny pt.1

Not to long ago, actually a couple minutes ago, in a galaxy not that far away, the Marvel universe. Thor is bean-boozled down to Earth because his brother is an idiot. Thor flies nearly at the speed of light straight into Tony's arms, sending Tony straight into the Hospital, and Thor straight into a Lawsuit. But Thor isn't straight, which means Thor is sent queer into a lawsuit.

When Thor flew into Tony, like the dick that flew into Thor the night before from some weird ogre dude, Thor didn't know what to do, he didn't know of a 9-1-1 number, so he walked away. Which means he committed a crime, the Police and Paramedics were called by someone who was walking by and realized that there was a squishy unconscious body under their feet. 

When the Police were looking at DNA at the scene, Thor's hair sample was coming up as a old, dead, obsessed with cats and children, old lady. While the testing was happening Thor was walking the streets when he came across a gay bar and strip club. Thor doesn't know how strip clubs work... which led Thor to grabbing a dancing man and dragging him by his chains and collar to a back alley.

Usually Thor bottoms, but since he grabbed the other guy, it only felt righto have Thor top. The guy Thor grabbed was crying, but Thor just thought it was just one of his kinks. Right as Thor shoved his dick inside he heard police sirens getting closer with every thrust. When Thor finally realized the po-po was there for him, he was running down a popular street completely naked. On his way down almost everyone was whistling at Thor while he was escaping the law. While Thor was running down the street he tripped over a small chihuahua. When he tripped, It allowed the Police to catch up, at this point, the police are very close. The police threw the taser... in between Thor's legs, straight into Thor's balls, which makes him fall straight to the cold cemented floor. They arrest Thor and put him into the squad car... naked. Thor doesn't really understand what being arrested is... so he starts hitting on Police Officers and thinking the taser and handcuffs are a kink.

They brought Thor into custody to meet his lawyer to talk about the case. But, everyone is confused because Thor isn't a citizen and nothing connects him to the scene.

Why do they think Thor did it, what links him to the crime? A witness, with the name Gary. Gary is a fan of the F.B.I and has always wanted to be recruited, so every chance he gets he tries to help.

When Thor's lawyer, Flock, finally made it. The two of them met in a room to talk options. When Flock introduces himself Thor thought he said Cock, and started hyperventilating while laughing. Then realized it was Flock, and now Flock is Flockety Cockety, we don't talk about that often though.

When they sat down, ready to start, Thor decided that he was in a bit of a horny mood. He was handcuffed to a table, Flock and others had the keys, Flock had the brief case, and all the tools. Thor got a bit excited, everyone could, uh, tell. It was a good 10 inches... so... Flock noticed. He kinda just ignored it, but then he felt uncomfortable, so he took off the handcuffs, which led Thor to leap onto Flock and start kissing him, the police officers outside looking in thought that Thor was attacking Flock, and charged in.

Flock signaled that he was ok, and cuffed Thor back down, and finally  started talking about the case.

Flock talked about what the witness exactly saw, and about Tony. Thor thought the name Tony was so hot, and didn't know why. Thor ended up zoning out, and next thing he knew, he was being hand cuffed and put into a car. Thor finally figured out that not everything is a kink, so he left his dick in his orange prison pants. He politely asked where they were going. The drivers looked confused because Flock already talked about where Thor would go. The guards, still confused, responded. They said that Tony had requested to meet the person that fell on him. Thor suddenly got extremely nervous to meet the man with the extremely hot name.

When they pulled up to the hospital Thor was still in hand cuffs when they brought him inside. As they approached Tony's room Thor suddenly passes out. Thor got his own room right down the hall from Tony. Thor swore that he broke his ass, Tony knew this since he heard Thor say "that little fucking cum slut better not touch my big juicy ass! Since my ass is extra juicy BECAUSE I BROKE IT." Randomly throughout the night Tony would hear Thor say randomly at night "I can't believe I broke my ass right in front of the guy with the hot name." That made Tony smile and blush. 

The next day,  Tony requested that he go to Thor's room since Thor could not go to him. The hospital  accepted  his request, mostly because he is Tony Stark. When Tony walked in Thor was farting loudly and ranking them on a paper. Tony decided to ignore that and talk to Thor about the charges, well... it was about the crime and charges at first. 

Tony and Thor talked, Thor explained that he was the son of Odin, and that he fell to Earth because if his idiotic brother, and blah blah blah.  Tony always thought that the idea and concept of Thor was a myth, but here he is. Tony suddenly felt a connection to Thor, and he let Thor know that he is going to drop all the charges. Thor didn't really know what he meant by "dropping the charges", but thanked Tony anyway. 

When Thor was gonna get up to go to the food court, Tony mentioned how he enjoyed Thor's company and asked if he could join. Thor without a doubt said sure.  As they walked down a few flights Tony tells Thor about his ex wife and daughter, and how he would be down to fuck anyone, any gender. Thor said "to be honest same", not showing much interest, and definitely not realizing that Tony is low key flirting and totally down to fuck. 

When they made it down to the food court Tony talked about his daughter that he just absolutely adored. Her name is Morgan, and he visits her as much as he legally can. Tony is a great guy but Pepper, his ex wife, made it  sound like his company was all about bombs, and got full custody. 

Tony and Thor walked back to Thor's room. Thor no longer had to deal with the police because Tony dropped all charges and since Thor has no money or identity, "John Doe", the government is paying off the medical bills. Thor is sticking with the story that when he fell. from who knows where, he forgot everything. Thor and Tony worked out an agreement that Thor would get a job, and  identity, and a place to live... Tony's apartment. 

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