Broken Pawns

t w o

I pick Posy up and rest her on my hip. She is six years old and still just as light as she was when she was four years old. Hazelle is making lunch. Prim, Rory, and Vicky are in school. Posy was sick today so Hazelle and I kept her home. It has been a few days since Rory told me he wanted to jump form the Hanging Tree. He hasn't stepped foot in the woods since. I hadn't let him. I was scared he go jumping of that tree. I was afraid to break my promise to Gale. I was not going to lose a single family member. Not again. The Gale plant that Rory found, Posy and I planted it in the garden out back. Our garden had Rue, Iris, Posy, and Primrose's. We decided to place the Gale plant in between the Primrose and Posy's. I don't know why but I feel some of the pain is gone from his death after doing that.

I rub Posy's back lightly as she is now sleep. Her right cheek is pressed into my left shoulder. Her arms are wrapped around my neck as her legs that used to be wrapped tightly around my torso are now dangling. I turn my head slightly and kiss her forehead.

"Get her on up to bed and I'll get your pills." Hazelle whispers.

My pills. Perfect. The pills that brain wash me. Strip me of my memories for the four hours they work. I have two pills. One is for my depression, the other is for my flashbacks and Hallucinations. I hate the pills, but I have to take them. If I don't I am a hot mess.

I walk up the stairs Posy tightly in my arms. I remember all those times Prim was sick. I never got to help her. She knew all about medicine and she cured herself. Now I can help. I can help when Posy, Rory, Vicky, or Hazelle get sick. I'm not complaining about not helping, I just really had nothing better to do. Now that I can help, It helps take my mind off things. I hate it when Posy is sick. They way she looks, it breaks my heart. She looks so broken and dead, like me, that I don't even think she's alive when she's sick.

I set Posy down in her bed carefully. I don't want to wake her. I carefully and slowly put a thin blanket over her. Her fever is messing with her body. She is sweating like crazy, but she is saying she's freezing. I kiss Posy's sweaty forehead and quietly walk out of her room silently closing her door behind me. I stand in the hall thinking for a few minutes. Do I want to take my pills? I wonder. They don't help. It was the truth. Those pills the capitol doctors gave me do not help. I still have hallucinations and horrible flashbacks. I am still depressed. All they do is fuck up my head. (Sorry for the language!!) I sigh and walk down the hall still debating if I should take those pills or not. If I didn't my day would be hell, but If i did then I wouldn't be able to think straight and I would be in bed most of the day.

"They fucked us up beyond repair Katniss. I don't think we will ever be whole again, not after all we've been through."

Gale was right. It was the last night. The last night I fell asleep peacefully in his arms. That night I had told him that after the war was over we were going to put each other back together. I had told him that the pain would fade and we would be happy. He knew that no matter what we did the pain would never fade. The nightmares would always be there. The flash backs would get worse and worse. All because we were a piece in their damn games. We were a piece of their games for entertainment and because of that we are broken. We will never be ourselves again.
I walk down the stairs and into the kitchen. I am surprised to see Prim, Rory, and Vicky sitting on their knees on the kitchen floor all having their arms wrapped around each other. Prim's face is red, Rory looks scared, and Vicky is confused. Hazelle has her arms around all three children.

   Gale holds me tightly to him as tears we sit on our knees on the kitchen floor. Prim and Rory are both squeezed between us crying. Hazelle and my mother were holding two confused children while yelling. Yelling at Haymitch who was yelling back. The Quell announcement had just ended. The male and female tributes shall be reaped from the exciting pool of victors. Gale and I were going back into the games. We were going back into the games,