Oblivion (l.h.)

Chapter 1

I don't know why, but I've always been one to never understand what's going on. It's like I'm completely oblivious to what's going on in front of me. The hints, the conversations, everything. It's like I'm disconnected; completely in a different world.

For so long i've been trying to find myself. Find something that i'm passionate about. Or to at least find something I enjoy; something that truly makes me happy. For years i've struggled with the constant idea that i'm going to waste my life away. The thought that everyday you're living, you're techniqually dying has always sat in the back of my mind to torment me. To remind me that if I don't get my shit together that i'm just going to wither away and never be remembered.

It's not like i'm not happy. It's more that I'm numb to pain. It's more the idea that i'm alone. It's more the idea that I don't think i've ever been passionate about something.

I'm just emotionless. After that day almost 3 years ago, i've never been the same. I've been trying to cope with the constant burden that has eaten me alive everyday of my life, and it will continue to.

Being that I only have one friend other than my mom to talk to about this, i'm alone.

Always have been always will be.

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After my long ass day of work, I've finally come home to the same routine. My mom completely drunk and me having to care for my younger brother David.

She tried to tell me that she was going out again, but I couldn't hear her over the sound of her slurs and the clicks of her high heels. She quickly adjusted her short black cocktail dress before grabbing her keys and stumbling out the door.

I watched her stumble over to her car, but before she drove away, she looked at me. Her eyes were full of sorrow and regret. It's like she has lost a light. The only thing she felt was worth living for. I looked at her emotionless because i've seen this routine a thousand times. She goes out, gets drunk, and than runs back in the morning to apologize and play "super mom." She looked down at her keys once and than look back up at me before speeding away.

I then walked back over to see my brother with the same look of fear that he always has when he has to see her like that.

"David.. i.. i'm so sorry you had to see that," I said as tears threatened to fall.

"Mackenzie, it's okay." He then walked over and hugged my legs. He looked up at me with this huge smile that could light up a room.

"You don't deserve to see that," I said nearly whispering, "you're so young and for you to have to see that kills me."

"I know mommy has her issues, but I know she loves me. Right?"

"Of course she loves you. She loves you very much." I bent down and hugged him back, almost never wanting to let go. His words felt like daggers into my heart. I know my mom loves us very much, but why does she think that this is okay? "Hey bud, why don't you go back into the kitchen. I'm about to make dinner." I weakly smiled at him before walking up into my room to put my things away.

I quickly cleaned myself up before hurrying into the kitchen.

I made Mac & Cheese before helping David do his homework. I put him to bed before coming back downstairs and flopping onto the couch. Having my notebook in hand, I began to write. I didn't write about anything in particular. I just wrote about whatever thought came into my mind.

After about and hour, I finally went upstairs into my room to get ready for bed. I brushed my long brunette hair, washed my hair, and brushed my teeth.

I plugged in my headphones to my phone and played music to help me sleep, the lyric, "and I hope you remember me.." being the last one i heard.

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Hope you liked it! it's kinda short but I think it's a good into to who the main character is. (Mackenzie) don't worry the boys will be coming in soon. (; love y'all. x (UNEDITED)