Nature's Prudence // {McLennon}

A Spirit of Inquiry

✎ john's :

"It's getting a little late, I reckon I must head back home before my aunt panics," I nodded at Paul, picking a flower I thought looked stunning and carefully placing it in my pocket for Mimi.

Paul revealed a tiny smile and nodded his head, keeping quiet.

"Shouldn't you head home too? I wouldn't want to stay out here for too long, something wrong is eventually bound to happen,"

Paul shrugged, picking at the grass beneath his feat.

I frowned "You want to walk back home with me? It might keep you company and we can drop by your home if it's near!"

Paul looked into my eyes in exasperation, which made my confusion reach its pinnacle.

"Where do you live?" He asked in a quiet, soft voice. I smiled at his tenderness and replied, "It's a bit of a long walk back to the city,"

Paul shook his head and let out a faint sigh, "I really dislike the city, it makes me feel exposed, and there are way too many people, cars, and noises around that it almost suffocates me,"

I nodded in understanding, really feeling the meaning behind his words.

"But where do you live?" I asked, scanning his face as his disappointment became gradually clearer and clearer.

"I, uhm, just around the corner. I don't exactly know how to tell you the location, but it's somewhere 'round here," he stuttered, his face flushing.

I nodded hesitantly, "Do you want me to walk you there? I'm completely okay with that if-"

"I think I wanna stay here for a bit longer," Paul whispered, his voice anguished.

"O- oh, alright then," I discoursed, concerned for the boy running a shaky hand through his hair.

"... Are you sure you don't want to leave now? It's almost half past thre-"

"No John, damn! I don't fully trust you yet, and I would like to stay here a bit longer," he said, his voice heightening at the beginning of his sentence and then gradually getting lower as he spoke on.

I nodded, feeling as though I've swallowed a few heavy bricks, feeling the breathlessness and the heavy weight at the center of my chest.

"I'll see you then, Paul," I waved and he nodded, beaming at me.

I noticed the gloom reside in his breath hitching, hazel-green eyes and I pretended not to notice. I turned around and walked away, feeling his stares prickle the back of my neck as I disappeared out of his sight.

I left the forest feeling a thousand times more serene. I felt my phone vibrate against my thigh and chuckled, already knowing that it's going to be a choked up Mimi.

I took it out and opened it, placing it against my ear with a smile.

"John Winston Lennon! When on earth are you intending on coming home?!" She shrieked, and I pulled my phone away from my ear with a grimace,

"I'm walking home now, Mimi. It's going to be a bit of a long walk back to the city but I'll try to be as quick as remotely possible." I said, attempting to calm her nerves with a chuckle.

"Do you have any money?! Take a cab back here! I don't think I can wait any longer, John. I'm really sleepy but I can't let myself sleep before you come home,"

I laughed and rubbed the back of my neck in discomfort, "Alright love, I think I have some money in my pocket. It's not much but I'll see what I can do,"

I heard her sigh out in relief, and I smiled, shutting the flip phone and shoving it back into my pocket.

After a short while of walking, I found a passing cab and hurriedly signaled at it until the wheels came to a stop.

As I was in the car, I thought of how incredibly bizarre my day had been.

My mother passed away only yesterday, and I could feel my wounds moderately mend the hour I saw this bloke who goes by the name 'Paul'.

This bloke,

To say that I was confused would be underestimating the whirlpool of emotions inhabiting my heart.

I've looked at women and marveled over their aesthetics a couple of times, but I've never felt their beauty penetrate my soul and clear away all my turbulences.

I felt Paul's beauty, and I didn't know what to do about that. I didn't know if I should stop myself from having such thoughts, or if I should embrace them and allow my appreciation towards humans prosper.

But Paul was a man, and he made me realize that I would be willing to protect and care for him in the blink of an eye, which made me question a whole lot of things. It's amazing really, how we've spoken once and I'm already experiencing so much.

The words he said to me were very enlightening and welcoming, I can't help but think of him as a lovely person.

I shrugged it all off, thinking nothing of it and focusing on the present moment. I had decided to take a break from everything scholastic with the excuse of my mother passing away. I truly needed nothing more than to rest in my room and allow myself to mourn over Julia.

✎ paul's (at last) :

I don't think I've ever felt so desperate in my life.

I resisted the painstaking urge tugging at my heart and yelling at me to go up to John and give him the hug that I've been keeping contained ever since he told me that he was going through afflictions.

I trusted him the second my eyes came in contact with his. I saw the beauty of the universe napping in his eyes, and I've never thought that about any person I've met at a whim.

It was a surreal feeling, something out of a book. And my tongue is tied whenever I try to put a finger on why he enchants me so effortlessly.

I hoped that he would take me to his home. I wanted to be sheltered by him, I wanted him to take me away from here; but I felt too sheepish to allow that to happen.

I had no home, all I had was this forest. As much as I love nature and see myself as it's child, and as much as I'm grateful for this forest for helping me find myself spiritually, I still find myself missing the feeling of lying on a feathery, plumpy mattress.

I find myself missing the feeling of being awoken by my mother's symphonic voice. She would ruffle my hair and then wait by my bed with her arms wrapped around a laundry basket.

I find myself missing having breakfast with the family, and missing the embarrassing conversations, missing the frequent fights even. My mother would bake this one of a kind, savory cake and make the most exquisite cup of hot chocolate every Christmas, and we'd all welcome that time of the year with large smiles and wide arms because of that.

It all certainly beat lying on jaggy dirt, barely getting any sleep due to the constant fear of being jumped by some animal, or attacked by a human with soiled intentions.

It was clearly much better than the constant hyperventilation and lonesomeness that eats at you until you're the size of a bread crumb.
I find myself developing the habit of treating my heart as though it were a brittle child. It beats too fast too often, and I try to calm it down using words and reassuring murmurs.

I found myself clinging to John and hoping with all my heart that he would come back, because I don't think I can take this much longer.