Miss Bala

Chapter 1: Giving back

"Get up chula, we're here." Lino nudged me as he undid his seatbelt. He got up and walked to the back of the plane, probably to retrieve our bags. I didn't even have any clothes, it's probably from the old safe house that belonged to those people in the photos. I yawned and looked around, the rest of the guys had filed out. Lino didn't say another word, just set down a duffle bag on the seat next to me and left.
Exiting out the plane, I was met by a middle aged woman,
"Let's get you home sweetheart, you must be exhausted," she smiled, patting my shoulders while leading me to a black SUV.
"Home?" I questioned, stopping midway.
She nodded her head and took the duffle out of my hands, "yes, you and the guys will be staying at my house." She confirmed and walked away.
How can a sweet lady like her be willing to help us, especially them.

The car horn honked, pulling me out of my thoughts. I sped walked over to the vehicle, getting in to only see Lino in the back.
"Where are the guys?" I asked as I got in and we started driving off
"That's not your worry." He stated vaguely, his voice sounding cold.
I scoffed, "If this is about last night-" he cut me off by sending a death glare my way. We both looked at the driver, who I couldn't tell was looking back at us in the rear view mirror because he had really dark shades on.
"I wasn't going to shoot you." I finished in a low voice. Thinking back, I should have if he really wants to act like this. I still don't know why I didn't, my adrenaline was at an all time high, but I couldn't bring myself to pull the trigger. He lied to me, killed innocent people, and yet, I let him live.

I seen him give me a sideways look as we pulled up to a house similar to the same one Poyo first brought me to.
The car didn't even make a complete stop before Lino opened the door and started heading out. I rolled my eyes at him and followed a little far behind. Should I even be in the same room as him?

I wasn't going to take my chances if the rest of them were staying here too.I don't even know why I'm trying to make things right with him, if anything I should be giving him the cold shoulder.

He set down his bags and headed for the bathroom, leaving me alone to finally change out of this dress. I probably looked ridiculous still wearing it hours later. I didn't exactly have anything suitable to relax in, I just put on a T-shirt, keeping my undergarments on. I laid down in the bed, and waited for Lino to come out.

Moments later, he did, shirtless and his boots were off. He pulled his handgun from the waistband of his jeans and set it on the drawer by the window.
He laid down beside me, both of us looking up at the ceiling. I didn't really know what to say, I figured with the life he lived maybe some things didn't phase him. Clearly they did, maybe this was about Poyo.

"I didn't come back with you to run away from the DEA, and I didn't stay because of what we did to Saucedo." I said, eyes focusing on one particular spot on the ceiling

"Doesn't matter now," he interrupted.

"After Isabel, what you said about me being your queen," I continued, taking a moment to figure out how to word what I wanted to say, "I have created this very serious life for myself. This past few days, everything I've done for you, I barely even know myself. I've had these moments sometimes in the middle of the day when suddenly I'm aware of my surroundings. Me, learning around a gun, no longer holding the same fear that would curdle my veins the moment I first got here. And I think "what am I- what am I doing here?" I explained, catching a breath. I barely realized that he had turned to look at me.
"But lately, when I'm with you, I don't ask that question," I admitted, this time, looking right back at him, hoping he'd say something.

"I'm not the answer. Look at me, look at this-"

"I am always looking at it. My brain never stops. Why am I here? You know, should I be here? Am I afraid to stay, afraid to go. Shit, it's endless. I'd drive myself crazy." I said, fulling sitting up.

"None of that matters," was all he said.

"I know, that's become so clear to me. The noise doesn't matter," he kept full eye contact with me, "we don't know who we are til we are connected to someone else. We're just better human beings when we're with the person we're supposed to be with. I wasn't supposed to leave. I belong here." I didn't even notice the tear falling freely down my cheek til he wiped it away.

Was I even hearing myself? Days ago, I feared this man, I wanted nothing more than to never see him again. But now, when I look at him, I can see the brokenness, the confusion, the violence, and all the redeeming qualities, I can see why he does what he chooses to do.

For the longest time, it was so hard for me to find my place in this world, and I know that's exactly how he feels. We really are just two people trying to find our place. He ain't stopping anytime soon and I never really had anything to go back to in L.A.

He pulled me down into a hug, his face buried into neck and hair as he let out a sigh. I did say I barely even knew myself anymore, cause right now, I had no clue what I was doing.