WHEN HE STARE

His Stare 01

•His Stare 01•

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"Goodness Elizabeth, tama na!" I can hear the frustration on my bestfriend's voice.

I am reading at heto siya ginugulo ako. Ginugulo ako sa paulit-ulit na mga sinasabi niya.

"Huwag mo akong artehan, Eliz."

Tamad akong tumingin sa kaniya na para bang sinasabi na wala naman akong ginagawa. I'm studying!

"Don't give me that expression! Why are you so cold?"

"What?" tamad na tanong ko.

"Sabi ko tama na."

"Saan?" paninigurado ko na as if hindi ko alam ang tinutukoy niya.

She rolled her eyes and flipped her beautiful curly hair.

"Duh! Don't play innocent babe. I know you know what I am talking about. You know WHO I am talking about..."

I just stared at her and glanced back at my book.

"You're so annoying, I'm studying.."

"You don't have to study! We don't even have a quiz today!"

I just rolled my eyes and read my book again. Avoiding the topic. Avoiding to talk about him.

"Just... I can't believe it! Hindi ko matanggap na nasabi niya 'yun! Just... He's so heartless. Hindi naman ibig-sabihin na gusto mo siya at hindi ka niya gusto, he's going to talk about you harshly to his friends. At ikaw pa talaga ang nakarinig!"

I was reading. Pretending. But my bestfriend's voice was just so sour in my system. I know she'll going to make me realize again.

"Jo, it's okay."

"No Elizabeth! It's not okay!" she pointed out.

Napatingin ako sa kaniya. Pagod.

"He's just my crush. No big deal."

Mapakla siyang tumawa habang nakaawang ang bibig. She had this expression that she's disgusted about the whole thing.

"That's it, Eliz. She's just your crush. Supposedly crush! For 2 years? I doubt that. You're in love to that asshole.."

"Language."

"Bakit kasi siya pa? Just because he's handsome? Smart? No... genius? Eliz, for two years hindi nagbago. Ang sama pa rin ng ugali ng isang 'yun! Una pa lang talaga, hindi na ako boto sa kaniya. Just... why is he treating you like this? Did he not know about your worth? Like, everybody admire you Eliz, you're also a genius. You should know how to stop. Those guys, 'yung mga nakapila para saiyo, doon mo ibaling ang atensiyon mo, hindi sa buwisit na Lorenzo na 'yan."

"Language!" saway ko.

She just looked at me. And I knew that she saw the sadness and tiredness from it. My eyes, the shadow of my unreciprocated love.

I'm just tired. I'm tired on hoping. On assuming. On seeing this the other way, to comfort myself. I'm tired on hearing everyone that I am stupid. I'm tired on making him feel so special when I know he can't really love me back nor looked at me like the way I looked at him.