WHEN HE STARE

His Stare 02

•His Stare 02•

🖤

That same day, Johayra saw me crying.  So here we are, at our favorite cafe, malapit lang sa school. It's our break at dahil may meeting ang mga teachers, we have 2 hours break. Which I think, I need.

Nagbabasa pa rin ako pero nararamdaman ko pa rin ang mga titig ni Johayra sa akin. She was worried. She always is.

But she decided to sip on her milktea instead. I sighed and closed the book. Napatingin siya sa akin. I smiled then hug her. Napangiti siya.

She's always be my bestfriend. My companion. Kahit noon, naiinis ako kasi hindi talaga niya gusto si Lorenzo para sa akin, knowing di ba...  Na kapag crush mo, gusto mong ipagtanggol siya palagi. Even if everyone saw him as the worst, in your side, you saw him as the best.

"What?" natatawang tanong niya.

"I love you," mahinang sabi ko.

Tumawa siya at hinigpitan ang yakap.

"Para kang sira!"

"No, thank you for always with me. Thank you for being my bestfriend for all cost," I sincerely said.

"Of course, kahit ang tanga mo na," she laughed.

Bumitaw ako at seryosong tinitigan siya.

"Bakit kaya hindi ako makatigil? You know what Jo, he pained me again today, I was hurt again. Pero bakit sa kabila ng sakit na nararamdaman ko, tingin ko.... gusto ko pa rin? Di ba Jo, 2 years na 'to? Tapos walang nangyayari? Di ba dapat tama na kasi masakit na? Why do I keep on walking if I know I don't have a destination? Why do I keep on loving him even if I know I don't even stand a chance? Kailangan ko na bang maghanap ng iba? Kailangan, Jo?"

I saw pity in her eyes and I don't want that. But she's my bestfriend and she knows.

"Mawawala rin 'yan," she answered.

I'm shaking my head as the tears started to form again.

"Palagi mo na lang sinasabi 'yan. Hanggang ngayon nandito pa rin. Gusto ko pa rin. Why can't he like me? Just... Why?" I sounded so desperate. Pero hindi ko kasi maintindihan.

"Jo, kasi... You witnessed how everyone saw me. They saw me as if envied me as a human being. They always think I got all the things I want. They think highly of me, but in him, all those compliments, all those proud statements, nawawala lahat. Feeling ko walang-wala ako kung makapagsalita siya. I felt as if I'm just a desperate bitch! He saw me as a desperate bitch that-"

Hindi ko na natapos ang sasabihin ko nang niyakap ako ni Johayra. I cried again. All those whys were on my head and it's pressuring me.

"How dare him making me feel this way? Wala naman akong ginawa. Pero bakit parang ang landi-landi ko sa paningin niya?"

I just woke up one day and everyone knows about me... having a crush on him. At dahil halos sa school kakilala ako, even in lower years, they supported me. They teased me about him. They loved us to be together.

Pero habang tumatagal mas lalong nagiging suplado siya. He don't like it. The idea of me liking him, having a crush on him, he don't like it. He won't like it.