This is my first reviews book. Inside, you'll find out 10 books reviews, all of them with my honest opinion and some advices to the books authors.
If you're reading it searching for a review then I am sorry but this book is finished. BUT I'll probab...
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Title: Monochromany Author:surreal-syllxbles Genre: Diverse Lit Read: 19 chapters
I love your story idea. For me, it is more than unusual (which is the maximum I usually could say about a story idea): it's unique! I had never read about any similar idea. And it makes the book even more interesting.
Your story title is also very good, grabbing attention because it's different and, of course, it has a relation with the story.
About the story itself... I can say that I really liked the beginning. It is really original and strong, undoubtedly grabbing the attention.
Your plot is something interesting and with potential because even if it is in part a clichê - the girl who ran away and needs to survive alone -, Cadyn is not the "normal" girl. She is a girl who is only able to see in black and white.
I also think you are very well in the first person. We can clearly understand what Cadyn is thinking and you didn't feel the need to keep a unique line of thought, "traveling" between thoughts as a "real" person do. I also like how you took advantage of Cadyn's mood - a mood a little depressive, the mood of those mornings when we wake up hating ourselves and thinking the worst things about us - to describe her. You used the clichê of describing your character through her reflection but thanks to her mood it didn't seem egocentric as it normal does.
Unfortunately, I also found some errors and things I think that are a little strange...
>> Some of your descriptions (as the Arts teacher's description and the "signature purple logo" of the library description) seem a little strange because you use colors in your description when Cadyn is only to see in black and white. Of course, people are not stupid and understand that someone told her that but it stills seems a little strange because you don't say it. Unfortunately I can't say the same thing about the "soft red seats" of the car that she stole in the chapter 11 because it was impossible someone have told her that so it's strange that she could know it.
>> The reason because she ran away is not clear. Okay, she was afraid and in panic. But her mother is alive so why run away? Or, if she ran away because she panicked, why doesn't she return when she calmed down?
>> You have some errors in your story-I pointed out the ones that I found-, specially about the person you are using (sometimes I found things written in the third person in the middle of the story what made me wonder if your story was initially written in the third person...) that make the read a little difficult. You should try to read your chapters once you finish them to try to find any errors and edit them which will improve your story. And maybe ask to a friend or family that doesn't mind to read your story to try to catch mistakes that usually the author will not see.
>> Your story starts really well but since she runs away it becomes less good. I don't know... I think I was expecting something more after the strong beginning. I think the problem is how you describe the spaces. You should try to describe the spaces like how they would like if they were black and white (how Cadyn sees them) because it would make the story even more different and improve it. Because if you start reading the book after the moment that she ran away, except for some little references, you were able to think she is a "normal" person.
>> In the reality, it would be impossible to Cadyn give her kidney. Anything related with medical issues needs parental authorization if the person is minor and the doctors would need more information about you - they would not accept just a name, specially since she is not an adult.
I really love your idea. It is unique, with a lot of potential and interesting. Although, I think there are some aspects that you should change to improve your story and make it even better.
