This is my first reviews book. Inside, you'll find out 10 books reviews, all of them with my honest opinion and some advices to the books authors.
If you're reading it searching for a review then I am sorry but this book is finished. BUT I'll probab...
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Title: When Night Comes Author:xohrats Genre:Fantasy Read: 48 chapters
I like your story title. It's something unusual that grab my attention since the moment you asked me the review. It's also something you can relate with the story after you read a part of it.
As your title, the story idea is also unusual. To be honest, I think I had never found a story idea as yours. It's different, creative, really interesting and with a big potential.
First, I will talk about what I liked because this is the interesting part. After all, anyone likes to read about the bad things so I also prefer to write them after the good ones...
>> The beginning - either the prologue and the chapter 01 - is really good, grabbing my attention. About the prolongue I want to say that I really liked what you made, choosing a part of the middle of the book to be the prologue was a good idea, either because it grabs the attention and because it makes you curious about how the story arrived at that situation.
>> The story itself is really good. As I said, you had an excellent story idea and undoubtedly you knew how to take full advantage of your idea, creating an amazing plot.
>> Your grammar is really good - I couldn't find any error, what does not mean that they don't exist but if they exist then they are very few - as is your vocabulary - rich and varied what allows a better flow of text.
>> Also because of the richness and variety of your vocabulary, you were able to create amazing descriptions which allow a perfect visualization of the spaces, events and characters that you're describing.
>> You write well in the first person and thanks to that and I could always understand what the characters were thinking and feeling what is, of course, very important. Despite it, there are some things that if you changed in your story would improve it (and I will talk about them later).
>> You created an incredible main character. As the title and the story idea, she is unusual, creative and really interesting. It's not what I expect when someone refers a main character but you developed her really well and thanks to it she becomes other reason to read the story.
>> Your choice of don't always use the same point of view - it's not always Freyja who is thinking - was a really good idea, making the story more dynamic and letting us see Freyja from someone else's point of view.
>> I especially liked the prophecies you created. They are original, well-written and very interesting.
Unfortunately, there are also things that I didn't like or that I think that are strange...
>> As I said you write well in the first person but there are things that shouldn't be done when you write in the first person. Using your own character to describe her features is not a good idea, or at least not in the way you so many times used. Things like my yellow eyes narrowed (chapter 02) should be avoid because they make the characters seem too egocentric and in a way that is not credible. When we think about things like it we think my eyes narrowed. Freyja is different from the rest. Her eyes and her features are different. And you use it to describe her once, without make her seem egocentric. You made Freyja state she was different and explained why, in the first chapter. You didn't need to repeat her differences and if, for some reason, you wanted to do so, since you use other people's points of view, you can always use them.
>> There are parts that are a little confused. A good example of it is the chapter 1. It starts with Freyja's mother death and then she will meet a witch and then suddenly she is already a slave for the Padat family. The pace is too fast in that chapter. In my opinion, when you have time and disposition to do so, you should re-read your story to find this parts and try to make them a little less confused what would improve your story, making it easier to read.
>> As I said, Freyja was very well developed, however, I can't say the same about the most part of the other characters. There are many characters in your story that seems to have an important role - or at least an interesting one - but, nevertheless, they are not developed. Bhranti, Astrid, Phyllis and Reika are good examples of what I am trying to say. We read about their pasts and what they were and what they suffered which is a good development. But then they seem to disappear and we don't know anything more about them despite they still appear. You should try to develop a little more your characters because a good development of all the characters is important to give all readers an opportunity to decide if they like - or not - the characters.
