This is my first reviews book. Inside, you'll find out 10 books reviews, all of them with my honest opinion and some advices to the books authors.
If you're reading it searching for a review then I am sorry but this book is finished. BUT I'll probab...
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Title: Enemies Forever Author:dazzlingmeteors Genre: Teen Fiction Read: 22 chapters
The beginning is okay. It's interesting enough to make you want to understand what's happening.
The story idea remembers me a little of Romeo and Juliet. Families who hate each other and then the protagonists (one of each family) start to fall in love. But it's less dramatic and less boring which is good.
The title is okay. I think it is like a clichê when we're talking about Teen Fiction books, but still it is related with the story.
The story itself is okay. I liked the Hailey and Christian's relationship development. There are lot of stories with the same concept (two people who hate each other and then fall in love) where the development is horrible. In one chapter the characters hate each other and in the next one they are completely in love, kissing each other. In this book that doesn't happen. The relationship evolves at a good pace, with the characters changing slowly their opinion.
It has also little grammar errors which is really good and as it is written in a simple and fun way it's easy to read.
Despite it, there are also some mistakes and things that I think that are strange.
>> As I said the story is simple. It is good, of course but the story be simple doesn't mean the vocabulary also need to be always the same. There are expressions that you use too many times. The one that you probably use more is like a lunatic. I understand your idea when you use the expression but you can always try to find synonymous. It's just because when you use the same expressions to many times it becomes annoying.
>> The relationship evolves at a good pace but unfortunately I can't say the same about the action. It's too fast! You should try to slow down a little. There are chapters where she is in the school and then suddenly she is in her house. It makes the story a little confused and too fast. To slow down it's not necessary many things, maybe just a description about her going to her house (in this case).
>> Try to don't describe your main character when you are writing in the first person as you did. Anyone thinks Bree curled my blond hair. It's a part of you that you are used to so you will not think this way. The thought would be something like Bree curled my hair. I understand your needing of describe your character but you should try to do it in some other way.
>> The appearance of the police (also in the first chapter) seems forced. I mean it's just a party! The police don't appear from nowhere! And their fights seems also too forced. I mean okay they don't like each other but it doesn't mean they need to start fighting every time they are in the same place...
>> How the 'prank' starts was also strange. Initially Hailey says she will not do it. And then suddenly she accepts. It seems a little strange. It would be more believable if you create a scene with Hailey and maybe her grandmother that could make Hailey more curious about the reason. You refer slightly that Hailey thinks her grandmother is lying but we don't know why she thinks it or how the talk happened. A scene like that would create a better pace in the story and a reason for Hailey's sudden change of ideas.
