It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst of Times

One

When he teases you, it means he likes you.

But Daddy, what if I tease him? Of course, I'd never ask that, but I always wondered. If I tease him, does it mean that I like him?

In middle school, I learned that the answer was no. Teasing and flirting we're different things. It was even more pronounced in high school. They weren't the same thing at all.

Teasing was texting your friend about that dumb girl who sits behind you in advanced English that answered, "simile!" quite confidently when the answer was metaphor. But that's justified, right? I mean, it's advanced English!

Flirting was "subtly" telling your crush that his butt looks good in those jeans. Really, though, if he's going to wear those jeans, I'm going to stare. It's inevitable!

So no, Dad, I don't like Joshua Adler. In fact, I would rather jump into flaming pit of tarantulas than be in the same room as him for an hour. We tease each other and laugh, but our friends, mine on either side of me and his on either side of him, are ready to restrain us if we begin getting too- shall we say intense? It's not the word I would normally use in this situation, but our teasing, provoking, and arguing sometimes grow to be too intense and we both have to be physically restrained. It was nothing new, we'd had this mutual hatred for each other since we met in sixth grade. I learned the difference between teasing and flirting, I learned that I hate Joshua Adler with a burning passion that my dad might describe as "love". But this is not at all a love story.

Does anyone have a flaming pit of tarantulas that I could jump into? I could use one right about now.

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My best friend was like my twin. We must have been separated at birth, though because we weren't really sisters. Or at least, we didn't grow up that way. In sixth grade, we bonded over our hatred for others. I mean, really: when people don't understand the difference between 'their', 'there', and 'they're'? Has everyone grown up in a garbage can?

It was when she asked if I'd sit with her and her friend Joshua at lunch that it all started. By "it", I mean my friendship with Leah, and my mutual hatred with Joshua.

I remember one specific day when he was bragging about his new puppy. I had brought a bouncy ball that day for the physics unit in science. I pulled it our of my purse and, as science class was over, bounced it perfectly so it hit his milk carton, thus spilling it all over his crotch. I was proud of myself. Leah laughed. Joshua was angry. I contemptuously replied to his anger with an unemotional, "Whoops."

That, I believe, was where we began our everlasting feud. In ninth grade band rehearsal, he took my phone and hid it in a tree. I took his music and hid it below the garbage bin. I believe that it this day he doesn't know where it went.

The sole reason for our interaction was the constant "one-upping" that came with being bitter enemies. On one occasion, he put glitter in my car air vents and turned them on high. Someone slashed his tires, and as a "concerned friend" who was ready to use this to my advantage, I referred him to my uncle's car repair shop- with an enemy discount, just for him! He was grateful. I used the opportunity to bedazzle his car. It took several hours, about six to nine people, and a whole lot of hot glue and rhinestones.

It was worth it to see his face when he saw that I had hot glued thousands of tiny jewels to his beloved car. He spent twice as much time peeling them off than we did putting them on. Also he needed a new paint job. But his tires looked great!

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At this particular moment, I was in a particularly cramped backseat, crushed against the window. Next to me was Leah, and next to Leah was Joshua. I was not listening to the conversations around me, as I was too busy being angry at Leah for failing to mention that Joshua was coming with us on the trip.