It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst of Times

Seven

It wasn't long before Brayden came to force me out of the house.

He was there taking care of everyone for a long time, but finally he told me that we would go out so he could make me smile for one night. It was three days after the two week disappearance mark. I wasn't loosing hope, but everyone else was telling me how decomposed his body might be by now. Bray wanted me to be free of that for a night. I agreed, although I didn't really feel up for it.

I took a long shower, washed and conditioned my hair very well- better than I had in the last seventeen days, shaved, made an honest effort to put on a nice outfit despite not knowing where we were going (Formal or casual? Heels or sneakers? A fancy place or McDonald's?), and put on makeup all for the first time since I came home with Leah. The last time I was happy.

Sometimes I fantasized about death. Before he was gone. He got mad at me because his cousin had committed suicide and he hated himself every day for letting it happen. What he didn't know was that I wasn't suicidal. He didn't believe me when I told him. I didn't want to kill myself or anyone else. I was just curious is all. I lived songs that romanticized it, but I also was inspired by people who said it was evil and cowardly. I mostly loved everyone's ideas on the subject and I certainly had my own thoughts. Now, I was making up scenarios in which Josh was the victim of an unknown oppressor represented by a silhouette. I imagined death by various forms of torture, death by gunshots, death by stabbing, drowning, hanging, starvation. I didn't want to, but I couldn't help it. And it didn't make me happy thinking about it, it made everything worse. I was so worried that I would scare Bray if I did it on our date. Somehow, everything came back to him, in the end.

What would Bray think about this outfit? My makeup? My shoes? My clack of conversation? My thoughts about Josh? It was terrifying to think about a friend being tortured to death, but I still couldn't imagine what Bray would say if he knew because I just didn't want him to leave. Clearly, I didn't love Josh, but Bray might think that I did with how ridiculously stubborn I was about finding him. I wanted that least of all.

I hadn't told anyone, although Lee sometimes told me that my thoughts were clouding the room and Bray whispered so quietly that I could hardly hear him, "what are you thinking, darling?" I never responded to either of them, Lee understood why I didn't respond, Bray hopefully thought that I didn't hear. I had, however, been writing every single thing in the journal every single day. The psychologist asked to see it one time, but I told her she could only have it when we find Josh. I was unspecific about the condition Josh had to be in, but she certainly caught on that I meant, "when we find Josh alive and well."

I stared at myself in the mirror, getting frustrated that I couldn't curl my hair right. I never could. I just didn't have the patience. It was when I heard a knock at the door before I finally decided to fix my attitude. I couldn't go out and be happy until I was in a state of mind that I could be happy in.

"It's me." 'Me' was Lee.

"What's up? Did you need something?"

"I came to see if you wanted help. I can smell burning hair from China."

"Where's China?"

"Well, I believe it's in Asia."

"Smart-ass. Get in here and curl my hair."

"Well you have to unlock the door first."

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I never understood why it took girls hours to get ready. I began my shower around 5 and was sitting on the couch waiting for my date by 5:45. The shower took the longest- 25 minutes. Maybe it was because I wasn't as feminine as I was supposed to be. I didn't actually care about my appearance as much as one might think, and neither does Leah. I don't usually judge myself like that, but I thought that Leah was an attractive female who happened to look worse with mascara and lip gloss.

I was pleased with the way I had rushed to put myself together (and succeeded) before six o'clock when Bray would be coming to pick me up. I decided on semi-formal, but mostly casual apparel. I borrowed shoes from Peni Bloom's wardrobe, a pair that would be unthinkable for Mrs. Simon to wear (or me, really). But we were the same size, and she offered.

When Bray got there, three minutes before six, not that I was counting, he complimented my dressing skills. Apparently I am not supposed to have a nice fashion sense. Or maybe it's that he's only ever seen me in my trampy bathing suit cover up or pajamas. Either way, he seemed impressed that I could pull myself together after the disappearance of a friend. I liked impressing him.

"Ready?"

"Yes. Where are we going?"

"You'll see."

I already was smiling and we hadn't even walked out of the door yet.

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Day Seventeen

Dear Josh,

This thing is like a diary now, I think. I've written every day since I began and I told you so much more than I ever would dream of telling you in person. Maybe I will let you read it when I get back. Bray asked if he could read it. I said that next time I see him he could. I hope you don't mind. He's coming a again next week. He has to go to his cousins wedding. His mom told me about it today, but she didn't know that he could hear. It was supposed to be a surprise for him. They are leaving at the 21 day mark.

That's how I tell time, now. 12th day mark of the disappearance, 15th day mark, 21st day mark.

Bray made me so happy today. I'm glad he took me out. The atmosphere here seems brighter now because we're finally coping, though it took us a really long time. We won't forget about you. I won't give up. I want to find you. Alive and well.

Goodbye,

Lys

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Hello, people who read this story(: how's it going? I apologize for the long wait on the update, all I've wanted to do since Saturday (which I believe is when I published Six?) is listen to this new band that I found. So hardcore in love I want to explode. If you have a chance, listen to the EP Horoscope Heart by The Moon and Me. The songs are The Heat, Horoscope Heart, 3AM, Fireworks, and Too Young to be in Love. I have officially made Fireworks Bray and 'Lys's song and Too Young to be in Love Josh and 'Lys's song. Does anyone have any objections? Speak now or forever hold your peace.

I was also thinking about ship names. Brayden and Alyssa and Joshua and Alyssa. Any ideas? Which ship do you like more?

Another thing I've been doing since Saturday is reading Tiger Lily by Jodi Lynn Anderson. If anyone has read it, PLEASE message me so I can talk about it to someone. My friends are teasing me by putting it off and I am going to go MAD if I can't rant to someone about how I liked it. (I loved it, but I am open to listening about why you didn't like it if that's the case.)

And you can never forget YouTube videos: Danisnotonfire and Amazingphil, anyone? Alfie? Zoella? Thiskidneedsmedicine? Sprinkleofglitter? Anyone? Just me?

So that's been my life. Since I've mostly been sticking to a Wednesday and Friday/Saturday update schedule, I would feel bad if I didn't update it today. Because today is Wednesday and all.

Okay so I'm going to stop talking now, but if you're interested in hearing about anything- mentioned above or otherwise- message me. Or if you wanna talk about your life, I like listening. Also I need friends who read my books right away XD

Dedicated to @josjac for being cool (:

XOXO

UPDATE 11-3-14: pictured above is 'Lys and Bray