It Was The Best of Times, It Was The Worst of Times

Eleven

This was not he summer I had been expecting in any way at all.

First, I was surprised with Joshua Adler's presence, which was not a good type of surprise. In fact, I was very disappointed and after everything, I think it would have been better if he didn't show up at all. I met the guy of my dreams. Lee and I almost got in a fight because we weren't spending enough time together, the fight that came just before I found out she connected with the lyrics of a song about death- before I still truly believed that her favorite artist was Hannah Montana. You can see how I would be shocked. Joshua got kidnapped. I realized that I loved him in a way that I couldn't comprehend, it wasn't a romantic love or a sister-brother love, it wasn't a best friend or best guy friend way. When I saw him, he was just so helpless and he was asking about Lee, Claire, and me. Were we okay? Were we afraid? Did you beat that one level of Mario yet or did he have to "show us peasants how to get shit done"? It was that moment when I realized that in some way, shape, or form, I loved him. The guy of my dreams took me out for a vacation within my vacation- just the two of us. The guy of my dreams and I had a falling out.

That brings me to where I am now. Reminiscing. Alone. Cold. What went so wrong? Why am I here, on a park bench at seven at night on a drizzly Wednesday with fully packed luggage waiting for a cab to take me back home? Why did my summer go so terribly wrong? What did I do?

My summer was supposed to consist of laying out to tan (but probably getting a massive sunburn), eating ice cream as fast as I could before it melted, going to carnivals, shopping, hanging out with my best friend, and, on last minute's notice, annoying Josh until he started to rip out his own hair. None of that happened. I was still as pale as a ghost, hadn't touched ice cream since the beginning of summer, I hadn't gone to the carnival at all, I hardly had quality time with Lee, and I couldn't bring myself to annoy Josh now. How could I?

Nothing was right anymore, the thought of being alone didn't necessarily scare me, it just overwhelmed me. All of my thoughts were so terribly overwhelming that I was overwhelmed with the thought of being so overwhelmed. It's a whole lot of overwhelming overwhelmed-ness. And I couldn't tell anyone because I don't know how to voice these things. I've always just written my thoughts down and burned them. Unfortunately, that was impossible right now, as I don't have access to paper, pens, or fire.

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"What are you talking about?"

"You don't even love me. You are saying you do, but you don't. You don't love me at all, you love him. You love Josh. This whole summer what have you done? You say there and felt bad for yourself because your precious Josh wasn't around. You were always thinking of him, even when you were with me."

"We're friends, Bray. Josh and I are just friends. You're just being jealous."

"You're trying to pin his on me. You're trying to make this my fault."

"You're crazy."

"You're a whore. You're a lying, cheating whore who can't even pretend to love me for two more days."

"I can not even believe you would say that to me. You know me."

"You just led me on, this whole time. You've wasted my summer. You made me care about you, yet when you leave you're going to go right back to Josh and never remember that I even existed."

"How could I forget you?"

"How could you not?"

"You want me to forget you? Fine. Consider yourself forgotten."

It was then that I went to pack my things. It would give him time to change his mind. He didn't. He was on the couch, emotionless. I got out to the living room, bags fully packed, and I said, "you know, it doesn't hurt that we're saying goodbye right now. Not just because we aren't saying goodbye. I know you're not talking to me, I know that this is a one-way conversation. I also know you're listening. So let me tell you that I only love you. I'm stalling because I am hoping that you'll change your mind, even though I know you won't. I love you, Bray, but when I walk out of this room, it is up to you to initiate contact. It doesn't hurt that we're saying goodbye. It doesn't hurt that I'm leaving. What hurts is that you are past the point of following me. I'm going to walk out and you won't run after me, will you? No. I see it in your eyes. You don't want to run after me. Well, I'm leaving, and it's up to you to break up with me after I walk out. Speak now or forever hold your peace. Goodbye." After my monologue I walked out. And he didn't stop me.

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"Do you need a ride, honey?"

I looked up to see a cabbie with the passenger window rolled down, leaning over his seat to get my attention.

"Yes, please. Thanks."

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Hi^-^ how are you all?
Today my cousin was telling me about her friend (harmony1307) and how she thought this story was over. I bring it up, because it's time that I told you this story is coming to a close. There will be ONE MORE CHAPTER after this. It's already written, but I am taking suggestions for what should be included. I love it when people message me with suggestions. I have been saving them all for the final chapter, and I'm sure that I could write in whatever you guys throw at me. Want a Josh section? Want a Lee section? Want a flashback? Want a kidnapping explanation/ elaboration? No problem. Want a 100,000 word Bray and Lys sex scene? Probably not. Sorry. But really, I love suggestions. A lot.
This one is dedicated to @harmony1307 for reading and supporting this, even of it was only because my cousin forced you too.
ALSO: speaking of dedications, some of these chapters aren't dedicated. If you have followed me and I didn't dedicate a chapter to you, PLEASE let me know so I can go back and fix it. Sorry for anyone I skipped, I really haven't been paying as much attention to dedications lately.
Bye, guys(: have a nice day/night