will you be mine?!

chapter 4

*authors note: hey guys just to let you know... i named the chapters 1,2,3,4...(etc) because i could come up with a name, sorry!*

I looked into her clear blue eyes and my heart shattered as her words rang in my ears. "She did too." She said, as she pointed a finger at me, her face void of emotion. James stood by her side with an evident smirk plastered on his face. She glanced at him and giggled as he started to laugh mockingly.

A crowd started to form and they stepped closer towards me. They each had on disgusted looks on their faces as they hurled insults and laughed menacingly at my expanse. I was trapped. I couldn't get away and everywhere I looked I saw faces of people I vaguely recognized curling their lips in disgust as they hollered, shouted, taunted and laughed. The closer they got, the more my body shook as their insults filled my head.

Their voices echoed louder and louder as I covered my ears with my hands and shook my head in denial. Even then, I could still hear their voices crowding my mind and I shrunk back as they surrounded me on every side, leaving me with no way out. I crouched on the floor with my hands on my ears and released a piercing scream as a dam inside me broke.

Sweat covered my body as I woke up screaming. My wet hair stuck to my face as I hugged my knees to my chest. I couldn't get their voices out of my head and my body shook violently as a pounding pain blossomed on my head. I was awake, but the nightmare had not ended and I doubted that it ever would. I drank in the taste of blood in my mouth-the result of my having bitten my lip unconsciously-and cried silently as my fears slowly consumed me.

My phone buzzed and I rubbed the sleep out of my eyes. I reached across my study table and declined the call. It had been three days since my best friend betrayed me. All I had done in those three days were crying myself to sleep and waking up screaming from a nightmare that scared me shitless every single time.

My body trembled just thinking about it. The cycle didn't end. I felt sticky and gross, my stomach was beginning to hurt badly and my throat was dry. I needed a bath, some food and a drink really badly. Matt, my supposed brother was missing in action. I never really cared before, but right then I felt so lonely as the tears flowed freely down my cheeks. I couldn't possibly have counted the number of times I had cried these past few days of torture. Alone in this building that was a sorry excuse for a home. It didn't feel like home, not anymore at least. I don't know when I started to realize it but as I grew older my parents became more obsessed with their work and less concerned about me.

I want my parents to look at me and tell me what I did wrong. I want them to scold me when I do bad things. I want them to care about me like they care about Matt. I want to have my parents back, not the people who would stand there and look at me frightened to even say one bad thing about me. If they cared, they would have grounded me. If they cared they would have chastised me on my low grades. If they cared, they would have told me what I did wrong so I'll be able to be a better person. If they cared, they wouldn't treat me like a guest in my own house.

Matt was more concerned about his popularity and status and I was left with no one. I had friends, but the love of a friend could never compare to the love you get from your own family. Trouble used to be my source of entertainment as I was the one who purposefully got myself into trouble. But right then, it was no longer just about me getting myself into trouble. It was about loosing my best friend in the worst possible way imaginable. It was about having to face something I had tried so hard to get away from.

Betrayal was not something that I could take easily. She knew that and had used it against me. I couldn't believe that I had trusted her. I felt cold inside and suddenly, life just wasn't worth it anymore. I pranced around and acted like everything was above. After a while, I started to believe it too. What was the use of having friends when they would only betray you in the end? I pushed people away so that the only ones who remained were the people who genuinely wanted to be by my side and not some fake idol they wanted to ruin.