Paragon ✓

XVIII. Sanctuary

Hark! Thud, thud, thud,—quite soft ... they never cease—

Those whispering guns—O Christ, I want to go out

And screech at them to stop—I'm going crazy;

I'm going stark, staring mad because of the guns.

Repression of the War experience – Sigfried Sassoon

She saw the man she'd killed. He stared at her with eyes full of hatred. He swayed to the side, teetering at the edge of the cliff, and at the last minute seized her arm, dragging her down with him. There was a moment of inertia, when suddenly another hand caught her, pulling her back from the abyss.

She opened her eyes with a sharp gasp. She was matted in sweat from her nightmares. Holden had hold of her arm.

"Your bandage tore away in the night." His tone was one of clinical coldness, purposeful and emotionless. There was blood streaked across the mattress, and her arm was throbbing.

She sat up and watched him bandage her arm, wondering at the flatness in his voice, compared with the strange, surging feeling through his hands. Once he had finished with her arm, he began to wipe her face gently with the cloth. It was a strange thing to do, but it relieved her of the pain of moving her arm to clean herself, and it was an oddly nice sensation, so she let him wash her. He rinsed the cloth out, and went to the window to tip out the jug of bloody water. Then he went to the door wordlessly.

He was to the door, when she found the courage to ask, "Will the nightmares ever go away?"

He looked back at her. His face was no longer blank. It was broken. He shook his head.

He turned back to the door just as there was a knock. Katia pulled on her torn, bloodied shirt before he answered, her arm aching as she did. It was Samoon, and he bowed his head deferentially and offered a pile of clothing to Holden. They spoke shortly in Pashtun, then Holden closed the door.

"The elders have asked us to dress inoffensively while we are guests here." He grinned crookedly, and a flash of the irreverent, sarcastic boy she'd first met reappeared. "More specifically, they have asked you to dress appropriately: you endanger the men to temptation. Malalai wants you to come over so that she can show you how to put on your hijab." His humour died suddenly, as if he'd realized he'd been smiling, and forgotten some promise to himself. He handed her the clothing stiffly and went to the door, his face once again a stone mask as he turned back to her. "Come down when you're ready to head over."

She slipped on a long, pale green linen shirt and a pair of loose matching trousers. The shirt seemed absurdly long, but she was pleasantly surprised at how easy it was to move in the clothing. There was also a thick, woollen sweater of a deep violet, which she slipped over her shirt. Though Katia was rarely cold- a genetic 'modification' she genuinely appreciated- she revelled in the itchy, soft warmth of the sweater. She found Kellen's black scarf, and she shoved it in her pocket before going downstairs.

The men all wore long linen shirts and woollen sweaters over their cargo trousers, looking a strange combination of soldiers and goat herders. The twins subjected Katia to obligatory mockery before motioning for her to join the circle. She knelt on the floor beside Kellen.

On the ground, they had a map of the province, and had marked off three X's, one over Kabul, one over a place about a centimeter west of Gardez, and one roughly half way between the two X's. She assumed the third X was the village they were holed up in.

Colton pointed with a pen at the middle X. "We're about fifty, sixty kilometers from the outpost. Now, the Omegas can make it in half a day, easy, given adequate supplies. But that leaves us two men down if the Taliban shows up. It's been a full day, so they're probably already on our way. We don't also know if Jadis will have sent anyone out to look for us yet. Typically, if there's no radio contact, they assume it's a hot spot and wait a few hours. By now, they should have done a fly-over and realized that we aren't there. But, the Taliban know the area better, and know that we'll have gone to the first village we could find for protection."