Numb

chapter 5: Muder and Revenge

I remember that spring afternoon so clearly. id had a good day, but still Natasha made me walk home with her. we took the long way because it was the most beautiful. We laughed like our lives were perfect, and in fact in that moment they almost were. Whilst she had always been there for me, for the first time in months we spoke about what was on our minds.

She spoke of the optimistic scenarios that lingered in her daydreams, and danced along the footpath as I teased her. I remember it as if I'm watching a constant rerun of the accident, I watched her as she carelessly ran across the quiet road. I listened as the quiet road became oddly silent with screams of both car brakes and human terror. I felt her hand become a burning bitter cold, as she lay surrounded by people who couldn't save her.

We spread Natasha's ashes with mums in the places we found most terrifying, in hope the beauty of their soul would forever linger to create happiness in the ugliest places. It became so difficult to function without fear, or to smile without grief. For it was forever on my mind that death is an inevitable ending in which I have no control over.

I didn't finish school the year she passed away. I was told that I was unable to move into year eleven unless I passed the exams that I didn't sit. They offered to let me do them with the other students who wanted to redo them at the end of the summer break. so I crammed my head into the text books all summer, and aced my exams just after the new year.

I had planned to remain relatively quiet throughout this school year, but as I stood staring at the entry, a million memories flooded my mind. old friends endlessly embraced me, and I smiled as they silently suffocated me. I realised pretending not to exist wasn't an option.

everyone treated me differently, they engaged me in the same conversation daily, choosing their words as though I would break at the mention of anything slightly emotional. Everyone except Noah. he joked about death and all that had happened as if it was a cut scene from an unsuccessful blockbuster, its important to someone, but unknown and worthless to everybody else. and my god I loved him for it. he would yell at the teachers for giving me extra time on assignments due to my "emotional state". he would sigh as he was signed detention after detention for his remarks. but that smirk never disappeared from his face, and I found myself smiling, even during the toughest days.