Accidental Fate

Chapter 14

"Okita-kun? I thought you were away on business," My sentence trailed off as he sat down, his usual smirk was in place but there seemed to be sadness behind his eyes; those jade jewels usually twinkling with mischief were glassy as they watched me.

"I was." He nodded, moving over to me and sitting cross-legged in front of me, cupping my cheek and leant his forehead against me. A wet breath left his lips, and looking closer they were stained a faded red. Frowning I brought my hand up to his forehead, pressing it flat against him whilst my other hand checked his pulse.

"Souji you're burning up, you have a fever you need to be in bed." His face tightened as he snapped his head away, a wet, spluttering cough taking his chest as he coughed into his hand. "Souji!" My eyes widened at the blood that dripped from his lips into his palm, and onto the floor. Looking around, I snatched a cloth from my supplies and handed it to him, wiping his mouth with the edge of it as he leaned against me. "You have tuberculosis."

My heart sank in my chest; he was so young to have such a deadly disease, there was no way he should in the Shinsengumi with this. "Souji have you told Kondo-San about this? You need rest, and cleaner air you shouldn't be in the city or in the Shinsen—"

He cut me off with a wave of his hand, sitting back and clearing his throat, "No way, if I'm going to die I'm going out on my terms, I'm not going to lay in bed whilst my brothers and Kondo-San risk their lives every day." He smirked at me frail as he was, "Besides, why would I want to be away from you, Kazu-chan?"

I sighed, pushing hair back from his damp forehead with a pained smile; the urge to cry was threatening to take me, "Souji don't put yourself through this." I whispered. A  weight had settled on my chest. He's dying and there's nothing I can do about it. "You know the most frustrating thing about being a practitioner? Not being able to help those you care about," I muttered bitterly and swallowed dryly glancing to him again.

"It's alright, Kazu-chan, sure I'm sad I won't be able to love you much longer but..." His confession startled me, my lips parting in surprise and he smiled cheekily, "Surely you know by now, everyone in here is falling in love with you. How could I not?" He leaned back against the thin walls, sword leaning against his shoulder with his head tilted.

Closing my eyes tightly, I shook my head, "Souji..." No words came. How was I supposed to respond to him? Damn him, damn these wolves for making me care so much about them and damn these captains and their inclusive caring natures.

"Don't feel bad, kazu-chan." He said, reaching out to cup my face again with a small wink, "You don't have to say anything, just keep this whole deadly disease thing to yourself. Our secret 'kay?" Pulling himself slowly to his feet, leaning on his sword for a moment he righted himself. I watched him leave wondering how long he had suffered alone with this, to still lead the first division whilst simultaneously battling that disease and now apparently falling in love with a mess like me.

This life was cruel, it seems the minute you gain one thing you lose another; why couldn't I ever hold on to things? Even the rage that had lived inside me for so long, that had become my driving force for survival itself was now gone - well mostly. The hell was the point of all of that anger? What did it get me, what good does making a man who never even knew I existed suffer do? Nothing.

There was no longer the hatred fuelled wildfire inside my chest. What was my purpose now? My father has the Shinsengumi, he built a life and these men continue to build it with him; they are full of warrior spirits, I've never seen such fierce loyalty and dedication to something. Well apart from my mother, she had the heart of a warrior and the soul of a goddess, her purpose was me, she kept me alive for so long by herself and then died thinking I still hated him.