Upon These Wings

Procedure

I didn't know how long passed, only that it was long and boring. I had nothing to do but sit there and notice that as time passed the ache in my body grew worse, until I could say everything hurt - especially my back. I couldn't sleep. Jada was working on some sort of project of her own and couldn't read to me or anything like that - not that she had any sort of reading material that wasn't some sort of science I couldn't understand, even if she would read - so we sat in silence. 

Every so often she would get up and mess with a moist towel on my back, checking under it and replacing it with a fresh one.

She refused to answer my questions about it.

I wasn't allowed to eat or drink since I was within twenty-four hours of a procedure. I asked why and all she would say was it was for my own safety.

Whatever that's supposed to mean.

Finally I heard echoing footsteps approaching from outside the door and my stomach clenched. I had been wishing for an end to the tedious boredom, but now that someone was approaching I was afraid again. What was going to happen? What exactly were they doing to me?

"Good morning Dr. Gibson," Jada yawned. The chair squeaked as I wondered if she'd fallen asleep on her desk.

"Good morning, Jada. How's she doing?" The doctor passed in front of me, barely sparing me a second glance. Her demeanor was so different today it threw me.

The chair wheeled and Jada came into my peripheral, watching whatever her boss was doing.

"Nothing big happened. She wanted some water and she's hungry. Says her back hurts." Her eyes flicked my direction.

"Everything hurts," I corrected quietly, "but my back hurts the most."

"On a scale of one to ten, how bad does your back hurt?" Dr. Gibson asked, sounding almost distracted. I heard the rustling of paper.

"Um, eight," I decided.

"That's to be expected. Looks like the anesthetic is completely out of your system. Jada," her tone changed as she addressed the other girl, "will you go tell Dr. Hoffman we're ready to start prep? And tell Dr. Iplier I need a favor. He'll know what I mean. Then you can hit the dorms and get some sleep."

"It's okay, I was able to sleep a little here. I'd like to sit in, if I may."

A pause. "Alright, but if you feel drowsy it's best for you to excuse yourself. We can't afford any mistakes today."

A smile lit Jada's face as she jumped off the chair and ran from the room, the door clunking shut behind her.

The chair squeaked as Dr. Gibson sat in it and rolled in front of me, holding a clipboard. I couldn't read it.

"I don't envy you today," she said solemnly, looking me in the eye without wavering. "I don't want to frighten you, but I want you to be prepared."

I felt tears welling in my eyes again and blinked rapidly to banish them. I swallowed.

"Through a combination of construction and growth, we've created a pair of wings specifically designed for compatibility with the human body - your body, specifically. We've already trimmed muscle and bone to prepare for the graft. Today we're going to fully attach the wings to your body."

My chest hurt and I could hear the beeping to my right start to pick up speed.

"Deep breaths," Dr. Gibson reminded me, tone not changing. "Because we have to graft the wings in a way that your brain with read them, we need to rearrange your nerves and connect them to the new endings in the wing tissue. We have to connect each different tissue and line them up exactly right to give them the best chance to heal together correctly. If we mess this up at all..." she trailed off.

My vision blurred and I could taste saltwater.

"There are a lot of risks associated with this procedure, the biggest being your nervous system. We have to open your spinal cord and tie directly into the brain. We need you awake so we can constantly monitor your central nervous system. We need to make sure we don't paralyze you - partially or fully - or kill you."

Was I breathing? I didn't think I was breathing. Her words were just echoing around me, wrapping around my head and bleeding into my ears.

"We can't numb you for the same reason. I'm so, so sorry."

I couldn't do this. How could someone survive something like this? Why me? Why was I here? How did I end up in this position? It wasn't fair!

"I want you to know this is going to be the worst of it. Once we're done, it's just going to be physical therapy, strength training, and testing. After today, everything is going to be better."

I could barely hear her over the thundering in my ears.

"Arin."

My eyes focused again as she wiped the tears from my face. Her touch made me jump and forced my attention back onto her.

"You need to breathe. It's going to be okay. We're very good at our jobs. We just need to be careful. I promise you're going to be okay."

"Why are you doing this?" I choked.

Her face softened and the pity was back. "I can't explain everything to you right now; Robert would have my head. All I can tell you is this could help a lot of people if it works."

"How? Wings? How will wings help people?" Even I could hear the hysterical edge in my voice.

"It's the science behind it. Our ultimate goal is the genome. Think of them as the thallium we'd use to find cancer."

I sniffed. "I have no idea what that means."

Dr. Gibson sighed. "It's okay. Trust me."

It took all my strength not to scream my frustration at her. Trust her? With what she was doing to me? "I didn't ask for this," I whimpered.

"I know. I'm sorry."

She pushed the chair back and wheeled to the desk to keep flipping through papers while I silently cried.

All at once, calm washed over me. The tears stopped flowing and I numbly stared at the floor. 

What was the use of crying? It wouldn't save me.

The door opened and the sound of a cart being wheeled in met my ears. Voices echoed down the hall as a large group of people crowded in after it. Jada darted in front of me again, going to perch on a tall metal stool against the wall at the edge of my vision.

"Good morning, Doctor," a deep but chipper voice greeted.

"Dr. Hoffman," came the polite reply. "Ready?"

"As I'll ever be. I wish Robert would relax a little; these things can't be rushed you know."

"I keep trying to tell him that. He's right about one thing though; the wings have been ready for a week and we can't keep them prime forever."

There was a tinkling of metal on metal, like someone was placing things on a table. "I saw Dr. Iplier heading into the observation room," Dr. Hoffman said casually.

"Good," Dr. Gibson said.

More people entered, stopping them from continuing. Lab coats swirled around me as everyone prepared for this 'procedure', acting like this was as routine as removing an appendix. Even so, a low kind of excitement buzzed in the air. Jada was all but bouncing on her stool, leaning forward and watching everything eagerly.

I closed my eyes as I felt gentle hands remove the moist towel from my open back and chilly air hit me. I shuddered. Someone started talking to a log and I began breathing faster.

"Deep breaths," Dr. Gibson's rich voice cut through the haze, and then the screaming started.

I was pretty sure it was me.