How To Love

14.

Oh, what a feeling
To wake up everyday, knowing I am loved by you
I can't believe it
What did I do to deserve someone to hold me like you do?

If nobody's perfect
Then all that I want is to be imperfect with you

‘Cause you take me as I am
And I take you as you are
With your heart in weathered hands
And the bruises on my heart
That make me who I am
That make you who you are
Baby, when you take my hand
You show me that my scars are beauty marks

Oh, beauty marks
Beauty marks
: Beauty Marks by Ciara

                      ~Hakeem~
               "How did you find me?" He asked.
               "Wasn't hard," Ryder stated.
               "You gone pay for what you did to that girl," Lanky told him.
                "She wanted to fuck me," he spat.
                "She was 13 and you were 18. How could be that sick of a damn dude. She was like your cousin. How could you do that to her?" Lanky asked him.
                 "She was going to be a hoe anyways just like our mother. I just sped up the process," he chuckled. I hit him upside his head with my Glock.
               "What happened to keeping him awake until his brother came?" Ryder laughed.
                "His sick ass was pissinh me off."
                 "We here," Kino announced. He had his twin, Love's brothers, Jamal, and Omar Lloyd with him.
               "What are they doing here?" I questioned.
               "Whether you like it or not, Kami is ours and we should be the one to kill him," A'Keem stated. I'll kill his ass if he don't leave me the fuck alone.
                  "Y'all must killed him already?" Kane asked.
                  "Nah, but we should have. He said they share a mom," Ryder said.
               "It's a fucked up family tree, but technically they are siblings," Kino confirmed.
               "So he raped his sister. Not helping his case at all," Lanky shook his head.
                "Wake him up," Omar stated. They all looked at me.
                 "No."
                 "You knocked him out."
                 "You want him woke." Kino looked around for something. He found a jug of water and threw it on Michael. He raised his head.
                 "If it isn't the bitch niggas who killed my father," he chuckled.
                 "We didn't kill Kevin M," Jamal shook his head.
                  "Kino. Kano. Y'all against me too?" He asked.
                "We always had a close bond Mikey. You didn't have to do that to Kami. They let you get away with the kidnapping because they felt bad for you, but this. She overdosed because of you," Kano shook his head with tears in her eyes.
               "I heard she pregnant too, but it ain't mine. Probably one of the other 30 dudes she was fucking," he chuckled. Jamal stabbed him in his stomach.
             "Kino, Kano. Say your final goodbye."
               "You fucked up Mikey," Kano hugged him. Kino simply nodded. They pointed their guns at him.
            "Nah, he need to suffer. Just like Love suffered." I snapped my fingers. Red and CoCo emerged from the shadows.
             "We get to torture him?" Red asked. CoCo grinned.
            "Cut his dick off and feed it to him."
             "And what else?" Red chuckled.
             "Pour acid in one of his eyes, cut his arms up, then hang him up on the gears and let him bleed out," I told them.
            "Can we break some bones?" CoCo asked in her soft silk like voice.
             "Of course baby sis," I smiled. They all stared at me in horror. "You don't fuck with the ones I love."
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              "Okay, I did some fucked up shit, but nothing like that," Kano shuddered.
              "Same," A'Keem mumbled side-eyeing me.
              "So these are your sisters?" Kane asked pointing to Red and CoCo.
             "He took us in five years ago. We're not related by blood, our parents were murdered," Red explained.
              "What about yours?" Omar asked me.
               "Grew up in foster care," I replied. "In and out of different homes. Never stayed anywhere more than a year."
               "Y'all ready to head back to the hospital?" Kino asked.
               "We staying here. Tell Love, I said wassup," Ryder said.
               "It's Kami to you nigga," I mumbled. He chuckled.
              "Tell my girl, Imma hollat her later," Lanky said wrapping his arms around CoCo. And Ryder is dating Red.
               "We wanna meet her Hakeem. Everyone else has but us."
               "Y'all will," I nodded.
               "Your stomach not hurting is it?" Kino asked. I shook my head. I felt fine.
                 "It stings randomly, but I'm good." He nodded. I rode with him and his brother. The others were in a separate car.
                "She in a regular room now right?" Kano asked.
               "Yeah they managed to get the drugs out of her system and they gave her a steroid to help the baby's lungs. They're both fine now."
                It took us three weeks to track down Michael. But we didn't kill him right away. We just starved him, feeding him only enough to keep him alive. He suffered for three weeks. And today marks six weeks since Kami has been in the hospital. And I know she's mad as hell at me because I only came to do paperwork and sit in the waiting room. I never visited her.
                "Are you actually going to visit her today?" Kano asked me. I shrugged. Probably not. When we got there, they all headed back while I sat in the waiting room.
              I played around on her phone. I do need to send her somewhere, but not until her and the baby are completely healthy. Then KayZarri walked out.
               "Tristan right?" She asked. I nodded. She took a seat beside me.
              "Why does Kami call you Hakeem?" She asked.
               "Because I love her," I shrugged.
               "You know she asks for you every day. We tell her you're here, but she doesn't believe us. She thinks you won't see her because she's pregnant and she overdosed."
           "That's not why," I shook my head.
            "Then why won't you?" She asked. I shrugged.
             "I just feel like I should have done more for her. I could've saved her from a lot of shit."
              "You saved her from a lot more than her own family did. And you never judged her. That's all she ever wanted," she said softly. I pushed myself up out of my chair. I struggled to get to get room. I propped myself up against her door.
                Everyone was talking to her. She was giving dry answers. "Love," I called. Her eyes brighter and she shot out of her bed. She wrapped her arms around me holding me close. I could feel her tears wet my shoulder. She looked at me and I kissed her lips.
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                          ~Kami~
                  I held HaKeem's face kissing his lips like my life depended on it. He held on to me gripping my hospital gown. Then his hands glided across my body. I pulled away and he kissed my forehead.
               "It's a boy," I whispered as he caressed my belly.
               "What should we name him?" He asked.
                "All I got is Tristan Ealey. I figured you could come up with the first name," I said. He grinned.
                 "I love you," he said. I hugged him tight. I hadn't heard that from him since that day.
              "I love you more," I replied.
              "Knock knock," the doctor said. I turned to her. "Hi, just the two I need to see."
               "Is everything okay?" I asked her.
               "Actually no. We're going to have to induce your labor in six weeks. You're being discharged tomorrow however."
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              "This hurts so bad," I cried squeezing HaKeem's hand.
              "It's alright Love. A few more minutes and our son will be here."
              "But what if he's not yours?" I cried.
               "It doesn't matter, I'll love him the same," he assured me. I cried as I pushed and pushed. I don't know why it hurt so bad. The baby wasn't even that big.
             I heard cries lightly fill up the room. They took him away from. "You won't be able to hold him right now. He's going to be put in an incubator until he's fully developed," the nurse explained.
              "How long will that be?" I asked.
            "6 to 10 weeks," she stated.
            "When will I be released?" I asked her.
             "We'll only keep you two days," she answered.
               "Is it safe for a DNA test to be administered?" I asked her.
              "Not in your baby's condition. I'd say four weeks from now," she replied. I nodded.
              "Hakeem what are we going to do?" I asked him.
             "I'll stay up here with the baby," he started.
              "But you know I don't like being alone," I shook my head.
              "You won't be alone. I enrolled you in a 12 week therapy program. You leave next week," he said. My eyes widened in horror?
              "What!" I exclaimed.
              "Love, I told you I never wanted to lose you and you're slipping from my grip. This will help you. It will help us. I promise me and the baby will be here when you get back. We'll wait on you to get better. But you gotta go A'Kami," he stated.
              "What will it help with?" I asked. "I'm fine," I told him.
               "It will help with the pills, alcohol, and sex. I know the only reason you've strayed away from the three was because of the baby. But now you're not pregnant anymore. You're in danger of relapsing. I want to take the threat seat before in becomes greater," he explained.
               "But the doctor's gave us the okay to have sex. I chose not to. I'm getting better," I reasoned.
               "You chose not to because of the miscarriage Kami. I'm not stupid and neither are you," he whispered.
               "What if my baby doesn't know me?" I asked.
                "We'll call you every day A'Kami. He'll know you," he said.
                "I know you said you'd be here anyways. But Hakeem. When the time comes, get the DNA test done. I need to know," I told him.
              "I promise Love."
              "You promise I'll be better?" I asked him.
              "We're gonna work on it every day love," he smiled. Then he kissed my forehead.
                 I don't think I ever felt this loved. Every in my life.
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