This Girl

FIFTEEN

"Time changes everything except something within us which is always surprised by change" I quote.

"Thomas hardy" I look to beak who then smiles at me.

"So I have news." I look to everyone in group, James has left the chat as in he got moved into a new house.  Mia is sitting right there next to me. Jake by her in the smaller chair. Allie across the room in the other chair. Will sitting on the couch with Jammie and Noah. And of course the amazing.. the wonderful...and mind blowing....BEAKER in the top dog chair the one and only chair the best chair out there.

So let me tell you I'm not one for talking at these things butttttt I have something I wanna say so I think I should just come right out. Not first of course. Close to the last though. Mia, who talked about the fight that the lovebirds had, Noah and Jake, had a small update on how everything was going good, Jammie, who's a bitch that I could care less about, William, who just talked a little about how he's all good, and next up it was me.

Welp here it goes

"I have met someone." Ah the quiet sounds of shock! "Yeah I know weird, but I really like her. She's super sweet, has an incredible smile, beautiful eyes, and is so intelligent. She's pretty incredible. I'm not going to tell her name just yet because I just don't wanna jinx it!" I feels so good to get that off my chest. I hope Allie knows is about her, but she probably doesn't. I looked down the whole time not wanting to see her face but when I look up I don't see the reactions I was hoping for.

I just got a bunch of wows, who, and dang I'd never thought I'd see the day. But Allie was looking so .... so? I'm not sure but I don't like it. I regret it insanely now.

"I'm happy for you Hazel, you should be happy with this girl" beak says with a type of joy I don't see often then winks at me giving a knowing smirk.

Beaker was happy about it she said something to me and I said no. Duh but she continued on saying she wasn't asking and that she already knew. I'm not sure how she knows but yeah, she does.

"Allie, your turn." Beaker looks over to Allie with a reassuring smile.

"Um my mother called earlier and got extremely mad because I'm not apparently getting better and she's been in a really bad humor lately so that's that." She pauses and looks up glancing at beak who nods her to continue, "I've been good though. I'm not letting her get to me."

"That's good! You all know that this is a journey that takes time to heal and you all have come such a long way I'm so proud of all of you!" Beak is honestly such a good person and I do honestly love her but don't tell her that, ever!! "Okay that's it for today then! Oh and Hazel will you stay back." I nod back at her.

"You should tell her." I look at her with a hint of fear that I immediately push back, "no you need to."

"I can't beak she" I pause "not right now okay?"

"Why?" I wish at times like this where I could just honestly say it. Confessing all my dark secrets. All my fears but I can't.

"I just can't"

"Tell me what's going on up there," she pokes at my head.

"No" I push her off.

Just like how I push everyone else away.

"When you want to share with all of us, or just me, you're always welcome to." She looks down at me smiling.

"Thanks."