Silver

Chapter 71 - then

The summer felt long and weightless. I'd finished high school without one friend I wanted to hang out with. I hadn't heard from Millie since that dinner party I'd had. She was gone from my life forever now. I slept in every morning. The apartment was hot in summer, so I walked around in a t-shirt and shorts. I didn't have much energy for going outside, so I watched Korean dramas. I sat on the couch and had icecream for breakfast, just because I could.

In the afternoons I became tired and bored, so I went back to bed. This was the worst time. It's when I thought about Jarvis the most. Images and conversations scrolled through my mind on an antique slide carousel. I couldn't help loving him. Even after all this time, I loved him so deeply and thoroughly. I didn't even need to hear from him to keep my love alive. I lay in bed and I imagined him next to me. I could feel his soft touches. If I lay on my back, I got the sensation of him looking over me. I saw his eyes as clearly as I saw the colour green for Wednesdays. He was still with me, he loved me too, I was sure of it.

Some days I managed to go for a walk in the botanical gardens. I missed living by the bay, at least there was something to look at; the beautiful blue water, the sand, the beach houses, kids playing along the shore. The city was full of uptight city folk. My mother suggested that we meet for coffee one afternoon. Her work was only a few streets away, but I told her I was busy, knowing we'd be a bad mix together, like water on burning oil.

I shopped in a tiny supermarket and lugged everything home. City living was a nuisance. I wished I could shop at a big suburban supermarket and have a car that I could park out the front. I began imagining the house that I would like to build for myself one day and started drawing sketches in the evening. Before long I'd filled up three sketchbooks of ideas.

Dad had an old drafting table under the house that he never used. I asked him if I could borrow it. He organised to get it delivered. Finally I had something to do. I stayed up until after midnight many nights sketching and imaging the house of my dreams.

I was so excited when university finally started. At last, I was in a class with people like myself, who liked fine buildings, had good taste and a care for the structural environment. My lecturers were inspiring, class discussions were passionate and I sucked up information like I was drinking from the fountain of knowledge with a glass straw. My class was full of guys with floppy haircuts, streaks of red and bronze, guys that had a sense of style. Of the five girls, three were Lolitas. By week three, my senses calmed, the colours faded, I could concentrate on what the teachers were saying and I could finally see the world clearly with a keen eye. I was where I was meant to be at last.