Requiem for the boy

Chapter 17

He sat there looking at them all smiling at him and he started messing with the sleeve on his shirt. Picking at imagined bits of lint and threads that weren't really there.

More than anything right now he just wished they weren't there…not that he didn't want to see them, he did, it was important to his recovery, to them and more importantly to him. But he was so scared that right now he would say the wrong thing and they would see how much like his father he was and be disgusted and leave him and Frieda would be right. He would be alone…

The others sat looking at each other worriedly as Deeks zoned out, he looked over towards the wall and his hand started picking at his shirt a precursor to scratching his arm.

"Marty?" Bryan said getting his patient's attention. "We've been discussing the possibility of you having a week away from the facility." He said calmly.

Deeks snapped his head round, faster than he normally would have done and looked surprised, "Really? When? Where?" he asked.

"If you're up to it, you can leave for a week tomorrow; Ms Lange has arranged accommodation for you with your family and team on the strip. You will have rules to obey and the team will help you with those." Bryan said encouraged by the hope on Deeks' face.

"Ok Doc, what are the rules?" He asked.

"First you need to get through this session, look at your team mates and talk to them, and then we will take the next step."

Deeks shot Bryan a panicked look, but he needed this, he needed to be on the other side of that fence, the only thing he really wanted to do was to drive along that road he had seen in the distance with the window down and the wind in his hair.

He looked at Callen first, Callen was the one who had found him and saved him, he knew he had a question he had to ask, it was burning through him but he was scared of the answer.

"Callen….I…Did you? ….Thanks for saving me," he said

"Did you wanna ask me something?" Callen asked looking Deeks straight in the eye.

"No…" Deeks mumbled.

"Marty, you have to be honest…Honest with yourself and your teammates, is there a question you want to ask?" Bryan asked him.

Deeks jumped up and walked back and forth by the window scratching his arm as he did during his regular sessions when things got too tough.

Finally after a few minutes of his family watching and Bryan holding up his hand every time one of them went to move, Deeks turned round and talked to all of them.

"Why?" he asked, there was anger, worry, shame and fear he held onto his arm with his hand tightly the knuckles going white, but refusing to scratch the itch he felt burning up and down his arm. "Why did you come after me, she threatened you, I left to keep you safe, I was a danger to you all and you know it, Why put yourselves and the baby in danger to rescue me?" he asked

Kensi walked over to Deeks and put her arms around him as if grounding him as the other walked over to join her.

"Deeks, you are important to us, we love you and you needed us." Kensi whispered in his ear.

"I am?" Deeks sounded amazed.

"Yes son, you are," Jeff said holding his boy.

"We are all here for you Deeks," Sam said, "What you were told was wrong; you are not a danger to anyone."

"Except criminals and people who love short hair!" Jen grinned loving the group hug thing.

Deeks laughed and everyone relaxed just that little bit more.