Requiem for the boy

Chapter 15

Deeks sat on the bed facing Bryan, he sipped the cup of water that the therapist had given him and cleared his throat.

"I know I'm supposed to hate him…I do hate him…but I don't too? Is that wrong…I mean…" Deeks sighed, "I know he did evil things, I know he hurt me and Jen and I know he killed my mom…but I have some good memories too, I don't mean to, but sometimes…sometimes I miss him."

Bryan sat back writing in his notebook and listening.

"I hate him for what he did, for what he said to me and did to me, for what he did to mom…but I would give anything if he stood here and told me he loved me."

"Is that all you need from your father?" Bryan asked.

"No….I…I need…I wish…" Deeks stopped "why the hell are we going here, I spent time alone with him, it didn't happen, he's dead now."

"What didn't happen?"

"He wasn't…He didn't…." Deeks sighed again, "He didn't love me and he wasn't proud of me…I'm a disappointment to him, to everyone…Him, Jeff, Hetty, Sam….mostly Sam…." Deeks murmured.

"Do you talk about your father, I read in your notes that he hurt you again recently, and you saved your sister from him. How did you feel about that?" Bryan asked.

"Great," Deeks snarled. "Jen was…is a good kid, she didn't, she doesn't need him ruining her life."

"And you do?" Bryan asked.

Deeks was silent.

"How did you feel when you saw your father killed?" Bryan asked.

"Fine." Deeks snapped.

"Marty, no one here is going to hear this conversation, but I do feel you need to tell me the truth."

"The truth…The truth is I was covered in my father's blood, the same way I was covered in my mother's when I was eleven, I remembered picking bits of my m….my mother's brain out of my hair…they thought I was sobbing because I was relieved he was dead…I wasn't he was my father and I loved him…" Deeks sobbed knowing that it was ok to do so, or at least he hoped it was.

"I was told I should be glad, it was ok now he was dead…they didn't get it…if I had turned to Kensi and said that it was ok her father was dead, or the same to Cal….ok maybe not Callen…but Sam maybe, they would have decked me."

"Why not Callen?" Bryan asked his curiosity peaked.

"Callen doesn't know who his parents are, he vaguely remembers his mom dying, but nothing else, not even his name. So, he really doesn't count in that analogy." Deeks explained.

"Oh." Bryan replied at a loss of what to say over that, "They were wrong you know?" Bryan said.

"What?" Deeks' head shot up confused.

"No matter what sort of man he was, be he kind, a hero, a drunk a child abuser, not matter what he was first and foremost… he was your father, and you were his son. No matter how it happened, the fact that he did not treat you the way a son should have been, it did not make you any less his son."

Deeks nodded looking intently out of the window.

"You have a right to grieve as a son for a father."

Deeks' tears fell then unchecked.

Bryan sat quietly, knowing that today he had made a difference in the young man's life.

Callen, Sam and Kensi rode down together, each musing their own thoughts about finally being able to see Deeks; it had been two more weeks since Callen had had the talk with Hetty. She had told them that they had put off Deeks' meeting with his family and friends due to a huge breakthrough in his treatment and that the breakthrough had been advancement, Not a setback as Callen had feared, the most Callen worried about was that Deeks would revert into himself and Max would be back, but as Hetty had told him, there had been no appearance of Max at all and hopefully he was gone for good.