Requiem for the boy

Chapter 7

Running across the yard his ribs aching with every step, Deeks did something he hadn't done since he was a child, he climbed the solitary oak tree that was growing in the far corner of the property trying to just get as far away as possible and as soon as he was sure no one could see him he leant against the trunk on the widest branch and he sobbed.

Sobbed was definitely the word for it, he had cried a few times in his lifetime, but only twice could he remember sobbing so much his heart wanted to tear itself out of his chest and clinging onto the branch he held he thought about just letting himself fall, no one would care, really if he was gone…hell if it hadn't been born then maybe…just maybe none of this would have happened and then he wouldn't have just been responsible for destroying a family and making a child fatherless.

In the house everyone stood in shock and Kensi got to follow her partner, "Wait, please." Carl said, "I think I need to be the one to talk to him."

Kensi looked at Carl suspiciously "OK, but if you…." The threat was left unsaid as Carl turned to look at the young woman who was his grandson's partner.

"Ma'am, I love that boy, he is the only link to my daughter, if I had known any of this beforehand I would have stopped it years ago and had the relationship I should have had with him." Carl said.

Kensi sat with Sarah and nodded, "He won't have gone too far he's still on protection detail so he won't leave the grounds," She said as Carl walked out of the door.

Carl looked over at the barren yard, apart from an old broken down mustang in the corner which was rusty and missing its tires and the oak tree in the other corner there was no one out there. He was about to go in and tell Kensi he might have left when he heard a noise on the wind…there it was again and sob and a sniff. His heart broke as he saw Deeks in the tree, from the angle and distance he looked like Allison when she used to dress in her jeans and tree climb, he knew exactly what to do and did the same thing now as he had back then when she was a child, and he climbed the tree.

Carl at sixty-two, was no spring chicken, but he was still fit and healthy, although it was harder than he remembered he was soon level with Deeks.

"This branch taken?" he asked.

Deeks looked up in surprise and wiped his eyes, "N…No sir." He said and moved a bit knowing the large branch would take both of their weights. "D..Do you want me to leave?" Deeks asked.

"I hope not, I'd hate to have to climb down the tree to talk to you." Carl smiled.

"I…I am sorry for your loss and for your wife, I didn't mean for this to happen…She was right I destroyed your life, I would have been better if I wasn't born." Deeks said sadly looking at the ground, jumping didn't seem as tempting now that there was a witness and he really didn't want to upset the other man any more than he already had done.

"I need to explain something to you son." Carl said turning to look at Deeks, 'my God he has his mothers eyes!' he thought looking at the sadness within them.

Deeks looked at Carl and just said softly, "Please, don't…"

Normally Deeks could take anything thrown at him, but today, after all he had learned, what his… what Frieda had done to his mother, how she had known who he was and helped destroy so many lives, he couldn't take anymore, he wondered if that was where Max came from, the part of himself that was like Frieda and Brandel. Maybe that's who he was at heart and Deeks wasn't real…or…he hoped to himself, Deeks was the part of himself that was the most like the Allison Johansen from the picture, the carefree, Happy little girl who hadn't been touched by the evil of life. More than anything he wanted to cling onto that, he didn't want Carl coming and telling him how he had ruined his family, how Frieda had been right how he was the spawn of evil and should be avoided at all costs.