ON HOLD:Ethereal Elle

Chapter Three, The Green

The day after Elle had first met Ace, she decided to finally confess to me why she was so giddy yet confused about the fluttering inside her stomach. At first I thought it was hilarious, I'd been through so many relationships that crushing on somebody was idiotic to me.

Elle did not tell me his name but explained how they had met and the way he looked. She spoke about him like he was a famous celebrity she had loved for years and finally met, it was the first time I'd witnessed her being excited over another human being. I reassured her that the butterflies were quite normal and that she wasn't dying.

At the same time this was happening, I was receiving numerous letters sent to our dorm as well as text messages to my phone regarding my terrible attendance. I never went to class because there was no point in going. I truly felt like I was in jail during my second year of college, only sometimes an angel would appear in my cell to keep me company.

"You have to start going to class Diana, show your face for at least one week" Elle told me with a concerned expression on her face. I stared at her wide eyed before laughing.

"One week?! I'd rather kill myself!" I shouted before raising a bottle to that idea and downing the contents. Elle watched me with one hand on her hip and an eyebrow raised.

"You're already doing that" She muttered as she turned back to the mirror, I glanced at her with a frown on my face. It was a weird feeling to know that you were hurting somebody by slowly killing yourself. Before Elle I would have laughed in a person's face if they'd said that in my presence, I guess she is not just a person. She is Elle.

"Alright! I'm going, but just for today!" I announced proudly while jumping down from the windowsill. Elle turned to me with a proud smile on her face before pulling me in for a warm hug.

"Okay that's enough now" I said quietly as she continued to smother me, she let go and stared deep into my eyes.

"You are going to do great. Don't fight with anybody, don't even look at anybody. You're there for you, for your future" Elle began to give me an inspirational speech, I watched her while biting my lip trying not to laugh. She realised this and gave up by lightly hitting me on the shoulder.

Looking back on this I can tell you that depression is a nasty bitch. I was finally going to show my face again at college but I decided not to shower or even remove the vodka breath I'd been carrying around for five days straight. I tied my long blonde hair into a tatty bun and threw on a tank top and some jeans that had been on the floor for longer than I could remember.

I left the dorm room with so much confidence, I held my head up high even though the lights in the corridors were too bright for my drunk mind to handle. I hadn't attended class in four weeks at this point and I was ignoring every person in my class who attempted to contact me. When Elle was out all day I would still try to write songs and sing them to the four walls, but it just never felt good enough. I was no longer good enough for anyone or anything.

"Diana? Is that really you?" A loser proclaimed across the music room as I entered and walked confidently to my seat. There was a group of bratty girls sitting where I used to be seated, only one of them I knew. She looked me up and down like I was the scum of the earth before whispering to the other girls around her.

"That is no longer your seat Diana, it's over there now" Miss Caufields voice appeared from the front of the room, she pointed to a table full of boys. I groaned and sat down with them, they all seemed to be guitarists.

"Why do I have to sit here? I'm a singer" I asked politely with my hand in the air.

"You were a singer but then you decided not to show up for a month. It's a shame Diana, you had so much potential" She said while shaking his head. The girls at the back of the room began to laugh like my mistakes were humouring. The boys I shared the table with awkwardly averted their gaze like they knew I was the type to explode.