Bitch Body

Nerve

Valentines day happened shortly after disillusion with work jerk she kept failing to untangle gazes from. In retrospect, the big mistake had been looking into those eyes. She had planned to bewitch him with her obscenely dark irises. Instead falling prey to whatever mysterious magics his own windows wore. Today it hurt especially to recognize him across the floor, doubtless a fixed date on his calendar with the new girlfriend. 

She dragged her feet through the entrance. A gust of wind blew the back of her hair up. 

What the fuck? We're indoors. 

She turns around to see just about the tallest man she has maybe ever seen. A familiar face, been here since before she had started her own dubious contract with this corporation. They interacted once back in those days; he had briefly complimented her goofy Christmas socks. Since then he had been promoted, and strangely out of sight for such a tall individual. 

Now she found herself releasing a small gasp at the sight of him swinging that door open much harder than need be, as if upset. It had nothing to do with her and yet she took it personally. This dude just breezed right past, not breaking stride for an instant while flexing those astoundingly long limbs. Was that a tattoo sleeve? Wow. She did not contain her awe, eagerly keeping pace behind him until arriving at her cube. 

And so a new fixation began, with yet another relative stranger minimally interested in her. Perhaps not so vaguely. Since that encounter, tall man had taken to appearing in the lunch room same time as her. Or was it vice versa? Hard to tell. She had not noticed their morning break was also the same. They begun to coincide at a market downstairs from the office. She picked herself a plump green apple most days, while noting he favoured bananas and pears. Rode the lift back up together, day in, out, never speaking. Her always with the headphones on & him always scrolling his phone. The silence made their synchrony magical, and all the more nerve wracking.

This burgeoning crush was somehow sweeter than the unpredictable approaches by work jerk, who did his very best to appear unintentional as he continued torturing her with unattainable airs. They both seemed to want her attention badly all of a sudden, but not enough to actually chat her up. Granted, she was the least approachable person in that entire workplace.

Started wearing nicer outfits to work. Mostly because raises were due soon, but watching two crushes trail after her pencil skirted little butt was a very pleasant side effect. 

She had the reliable work ethic of someone who rarely experiences time off. An insatiable look in her eye that made elders think twice before trying to take advantage of her. Still, being one of the youngest, ill fitting team members signified much unnecessary hazing from management. Refusing to dial herself down for anyone ever again was an important promise she had made herself. It was a difficult one to keep when money wasn't right and her fate depended on conservative, racist assholes. After a year or two they began showing signs of recognizing hard work, albeit unenthusiastically. Raise was better than last year, but not by much. The job market in this colony was seriously fucked, nearing slavery. She was honest with her bosses about the amount she wanted. They said it would be a year more for that. Huge bummer, but doable. Fingers crossed they were not just lying to divert her request. Spoiler alert, they lied. 

Back on the production floor coworkers were livelier than usual. Discussing their percentage raises, and doing maths. Some seemed content and it made her angry. They should all be getting paid much more. These so called raises were so small it seemed almost an insult being summoned by the managers to discuss numbers. Surely they knew the true worth of each employee, and overlooked it for personal gain with a disgustingly straight face. 

The men also visibly lost interest once she reverted back to her usual hoodies and sneakers. Every day she had to talk herself out of rage quitting this utterly disappointing place.