Even If It Is Wrong And Forbidden

He's Back

"Our son is coming home."

I tightly held the handle of the staircase  upon hearing mom's words.

"He should be. Wala na siyang dahilan para manatili pa doon ng mas matagal. He graduated from college and  finished his masters with flying colors. Huwag niyang idadahilan ang balak niyang pagkuha ng doctorate because I won't buy that excuse anymore. He's been away for six years without even coming home for at least a week vacation  kada taon man lang sana."

Pagtatampong saad ni daddy kay mommy. My heart ached suddenly upon realizing the reason why he didn't come home for at least week or a month of vacation here.

"Nagtatampo ka nana...."

I drink the third tequila shot given by the bartender after I ordered. Mapait akong ngumisi sa kanya.

"Thank you so much Mr. Bartender. Can you give me one more please?"

I used my charm to lure the poor guy. He swallowed real hard. I winked at him and batted my eyelashes on. Nag iwas siya ng tingin bago sinunod ang aking inumin. Napangiti ako ng malawak sabay tingin sa may dancefloor. I left the house to escape for a while. Knowing he'll be coming home anytime soon, I don't think, I can handle him . I don't want to play pretend. I am so tired of pretending that sister-brother relationship on him anymore. I fell in love. And that is the most painful thing. Falling in love with my brother is incest. I tried hard but maybe not hard enough to be of control for my own feelings. Nagpatangay ako sa malalambing at mabulaklak niyang mga salita. Hindi ko naman siya magwang sisihin dahil alam naming pareho na nakababatang kapatid lamang ang dahilan ng pagiging malambing niya sa akin noon. Ako itong gaga na nagpaangkin. Sana hindi kami parehong marupok noon. Sana hindi ko hinayaang galawin ako noon. Sana.. sana hindi ko na lamang siya talaga totoong kapatid!

"Fuck. Go away."

Mura ko sa sariling isipan. Please. Please go away from my head, Sage. Inabot ko sa may bar counter ang ibinigay ng bartender at diniretsong lagok iyon bago pinunasan ang sariling bibig. Tumayo ako at nakisiksik sa may dancefloor hanggang sa tuluyang nakarating sa pinagkagitna.

I always say what I'm feeling
I was born without a zip on my mouth

I dance seductively as I follow the beat of the song. Some men followed my fingers slowly touching my curves. I smirked as I lick my lip and winked the handsome boy in front of me.

Sometimes I don't even mean it
It takes a little while to figure me out
I like my coffee with two sugars in it
High heels and my jewelry dripping
Drink and I get all fired up (hey, hey, hey)
Insecure but I'm working with it
Many things that I could get rid of
Ain't about to give it up

"Fucking hot woman."

Dinig kong saad ng lalaking hindi kalayuan sa akin. Nilapitan ko iyon bago pa man makalapit ang lalakeng kinindatan ko kanina.

"Oh damn man. I had my eyes on her first!"

Reklamo noong lalake kanina. I didn't bother look at him as my eyes still focused on the guy in front of me, now. The poor boy hissed before giving up. I bit my lip in front of the cute man bago tuluyang nakalapit na sa kanya.

I made a few mistakes, I regret it nightly
I broke a couple hearts that I wear on my sleeve
My momma always said, "Girl, you're trouble" and
And now I wonder, could you fall for a woman like me