The Pack and Sidemen Oneshots

Vikklan- Weight Part 3

Vikk's P.O.V.

Obviously I couldn't just up and leave in one day as much as I wanted to, I really couldn't. Lachlan helped me pack everything that I could take in a few suitcases, clothes and electronics and things that were small enough to fit in my bags, but still I couldn't take everything I wanted or even needed.

I had to leave behind half of my clothing which ended up being entirely Sidemen clothing because I didn't want it anymore and also my precious piano, really the one thing I wanted to take. In the end there were 5 suitcases and another one of Lachlan's sitting in the hallway, ready to go for the following day.

The flight was almost disastrous for me and the only thing that kept from dissolving into a panic attack or tears was Lachlan's hand in mine and his occasionally gentle whisper in my ear. I tried to sleep most of the flight but woke up every few hours panicked and upset. Lachlan always leaned over and comforted me but there wasn't much he could do because we were in a confined, public space and there was a lady a few rows up who was looking at us very closely.

The second we were off the plane and back at Lachlan's, suitcases dumped in the hall, I completely collapsed and everything fell apart underneath me. All of the emotions I had been holding in for days because I knew that if I fell apart then I wouldn't be able to drag myself back together to go on the plane home.

I screamed and cried and bawled and yelled and hit Lachlan (lightly) in frustration, tried to bury myself in bed and ignore everything but Lachlan just held me tight. He let me cry and rant and yell and even hit him a little, knowing that it wasn't going to get better until it got worse and I got everything out.

Lachlan held me close, hugging and rocking me, whispering in my eyes.

"Shhhh, shhhh, it'll be alright Vikky, it'll be okay."

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It took a few days for me to gather myself, get all of the shit out that I couldn't cope with and tell myself to get it together. I somehow had thought I could cope with leaving the Sidemen, knowing how toxic my relationship with them had been but I had been around them for 4 years and lived with them for that long, so leaving was one of the most difficult things I had ever experienced.

Lachlan told me gently that he would wait as long as I needed until I was ready to start healing and forget about everything they had done to me. Once I was ready I could start over, start anew with the one person I had known who had supported me through everything.

But the one thing I ignored was my phone. I turned it off outside the football stadium and didn't turn it back on until nearly two weeks later after I was in Australia, settled in and feeling a lot better about myself. Lachlan sat by me and read all of the messages before me, refusing to let me look at anything particularly horrible.

Most of them were about me being an ungrateful little shit, it was only teasing and I shouldn't have taken it so seriously and they were only joking. I could see Lachlan getting more and more angry as he scrolled through the weeks of messages which had apparently started out alright, begging for me to come back because it would break up the Sidemen, but steadily got worse when I didn't reply.

The worst bits came from JJ, Josh, Ethan and Harry. Tobi and Simon were originally the ones begging for forgiveness but their messages filtered out as they gave up. Lachlan didn't let me read most of it, the disgust clear on his face as he scrolled down the hundreds of messages.

"God." He whispered, pale. "This is horrible."

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Lachlan didn't even try to hide that he was disgusted with exactly what they had sent me, ripping the SIM card from my phone and, with my permission, throwing the phone and the messages it contained into the trash to be forgotten about. It lifted a weight off my heart, seeing the phone gone.

We bought a new one, an Australian one with an Australian SIM card and an Australian charger and once I downloaded all my social media again I blocked all of the Sidemen and anyone I thought might be on their side. They could plead their case later.

There had been a lot of panic in my social media after I simply vanished for two weeks because I never addressed it, the boys never addressed it and for the last two weeks I hadn't been in any Sidemen Sunday so the rumours flew. For a while, a few days at least, I considered not addressing it and just going right back to recording but Lachlan gently convinced me to say something, even if it was just a tweet. Confirm I left the Sidemen and then move on if that was all I wanted to do.

That was all I wanted to do actually, so with Lachlan's help I drafted two tweets, short and simple, to tell people what had happened and then forget about it. I wanted to get back into my job, to recording and editing, to loving every moment I spent doing YouTube and to do that I had to move on.

@ Vikkstar123: To address the rumours, yes. I have left the Sidemen. No, there will not be a reason given. Yes, I have moved out of London. No, I will not be going back. Yes, I will still be recording and uploading.

@ Vikkstar123: I don't want to start drama, I just want to move on with my life and continue my career in the path I have set for myself. I don't want any hard feelings but it's time for me to move on with something else. I have my support system.

And that was it. There was nothing more, I didn't reply to any comments to confirm anything and I just shut off my phone, burying my head in Lachlan's shoulder. He kissed my forehead, his arms around my waist.

"You alright?" He asked kindly, gently. He could tell I was on the verge of falling apart all over again. I shook my head, shuddering and trying to stop myself from crying. "Come 'ere."

He scooped me up into his lap, hugging me tightly. I pressed my nose into his shoulder, clinging to him maybe a little too tightly that I was surprised I didn't hurt him. He didn't complain though, sometimes just gently moving my hands off his arms and onto his shirt when I squeezed too hard.

"It'll be alright." He whispered. "I promise."