questions that keep me awake at night

crushes are weird

i mean they are. crushes are just weird. It's like hi, you're cool, im going to dedicate all my feelings for you even though you'll eventually 'crush' me. And at what point does a crush stop being a crush and start being an all-consuming 'I want you, you and only you.' and isn't it just a bit annoying that sometimes the all-consuming part comes before you either 

a) admit your feelings 

b) start actually like tAlKInG to them???

I mean I've had a person who I fell for before I really knew her. And I mean fell HARD. and then i got to know her- and even though I didn't think it was possible i fell harder. but despite all that- she's still acknowledged as a 'crush' which is kind of bullshit to me. I mean I could spend every waking minute with her and not feel tired or stressed or anything- but she's still just a crush??

And I mean I'm not dumb. I know the real reason she can only be acknowledged as a crush is because she wants nothing to do with me. I'm just a friend (if even that). So even though I think I may be in love with her- she'll always just be a 'crush.' 

And that sucks. I mean i could have met the love of my life (yOu'vE hUrT mE) and I'll never be able to acknowledge it because I am binded by that stupid word-

crush.