questions that keep me awake at night

Why???

We've all been through that existential crisis of 'WHY AM I HERE' but i have this existential crisis wayyyy too often. I'm no stranger to death. That sounds bad, but it's true. My twin- dead. My best friend- dead. My aunt- dead. My other mother- about to be dead. My phone battery- dead more than it is alive. 

And basically, when you're around that many people just leaving, you pretty much just sit there and wonder why you outlasted them all. And I mean you could blame it on luck, or strength or whatever, but maybe it is just the world flipping me off like 'ha everyone you love is dead, but you're sticking around- FUCK YOU!!! hehehehehehe' and I mean no offence to the worlds methods but CAN YOU NOT??? Wow that's a lot of capital letters. Anyway, when it comes down to it this is all just telling the story of a messed up teenager who's just chillin (like a villain) while the world crumbles. Why is she still here? Dunno. Why not?