What is Eternity? [A Gumlee Fanfiction]

Chapter 12: She.

I am changing to first person POV for this chapter; I think after such a long period without an update (because my dumb ass lost the password,) I figured it would be sort of refreshing for you guys to be able to get in one a single character. IF you're reading this, and you don't hate me for the gap, thank you.

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There is something indescribable about being on the run from those that have been sworn to protect you. There is also something I can't quite point my finger on, surging through my veins: nothing compared to the fear, but also the exhilaration of being held in the arms of the ever-mysterious Marshall Lee as we zipped through the air of the night that was as blue as staining Japanese ink. 

As months passed, and our relationship developed while we ran from anyone and anything, I couldn't help but wonder how things were going in my absence. I began to blame Marshall for the state of unrest in my kingdom after the night we'd made love the first time. I'd told him that I loved him, and  he didn't have to say it back yet. Not until he was ready.

Then we received a newspaper from our informant in the morning, and it spoke of the terrible condition the Lady Cresta was keeping the Candy Kingdom in, and how Marshall Lee had taken me captive, forcing me against my will to stay. The Nightosphere may become an enemy once-more, the paper stated.

And in my not-so-proud moment, I blamed Marshall for everything. I told him that it was his goddamn fault that all of this was happening. I wished that he'd scream back at me, push me against the wall and tell me that I was wrong, but he didn't.

He stood there with more pain in his eyes than I'd ever want to see, and I knew that I'd put that there. 

I had to live with that.

He spoke softly and told me that he knew it was his fault - that he should never have gotten involved with me in the first place. His words not like daggers, but like meat cleavers, severing the pulse in my chest in half. "Bubba..." He'd said, the king's words, my king's words, coming out in nothing more than a whipser, and suddenly I'd known that a whisper was all he had to give me. I'd been just like everyone else to him, and I regretted it. 

Regret is a terrible thing.

He continued speaking. "I know it's my fault, and I know that it is so out of character for me to agree to any-fucking-thing you say, but it is true. I took you away from the thing you love most in the world." His glowing red eyes seemed to harden with his resolve as he spoke the next statement, his fists curling into balls at his sides as long, pale fingers curled around the red fabric of his plaid shirt. "I took you away from your Kingdom, Gumball. Maybe you should go back. You're not cut out for this."

My arms turned to lead as he spoke the last sentence. Hell - my entire body turned to lead, and my heart stopped beating like a bird trying to escape its cage. I swear that in that moment, my heart stopped trying to beat at all as I looked at the shaking body of the man in front of me. This man that I'd sworn up and down that I loved, whom I had told of my love. His strong, bordering on aggressive tone did not match the expression of and the pain of his eyes; his eyes always betrayed him, and in that moment I was extremely thankful for that. I was thankful that someone like me could so readily see through Marshall's plastered on expression. Whether it was through practice, or just instinct, I always knew.

I wrapped my arms around his waist and murmured sweetly into his ear, keeping myself in check as much as possible. "I love you, and I'm not going anywhere." 

He gently shoved me away. "What the fuck do you know about love, kid? I know it ends in excrutiating things, and I don't want us to end that way, to make you feel that way when your little world you've built with me comes crumbling down around your feet. I don't want you to have to pick up the pieces of that, to have to recover from that. I'll fix our mess, you know? We've had a good run . We've been on the fly for 3 months now. I think I've done enough damage to your little princely head. 

It wasn't until hours later that I'd finally process his words, realize that what he'd been saying was how he truly felt. Beneath the callous words, there was something so irrevocable and inescapable; I just didn't recognize it then, and I had to spout off more dumb phrases, more dumb words to make this beautiful vampire that I'd come to love, hate me so deeply that he'd never want to see me again. 

I'd only heard small bits of the Lisette story at this point of course. I think the greatest fear in his heart was that when he let someone know about her, her memory would disappear, or deprecate. 

After he asked what I knew about love? I aimed for his heart, and I aimed to kill.

"What do you know Marshall? Lisette-"

He raised a hand to cut me off, weakness in his movements, his eyes glaring daggers into my heart.

I continued. "No!" I screamed. "No. Don't speak. I'm not her. I'm not going to leave you, or whatever. If that's what you're worried about. If she left you, Marshall, she was a bitch. She didn't deserve you, okay? I don't deserve you, no one deserves you, because you deserve to be left." My argument was all over the place, and I could see anger flaring like flames in Marshall's eyes. But I could not, and I would not stop. "She isn't-"

"You're right, Your Highness. Oh-oh, are you right." Marshall's words were cold as he looked at me with nothing but a cold mask of extreme indifference on his face. "She died, you idiot. And yes, I do deserve to be left. She died before my eyes and I couldn't do anything!" Something inside me snapped, and suddenly I was the one crying for his loss, even more for the words I'd said. "I deserve every ounce of pain that comes to me, Your Highness. And if that's what you wanted, then you sure as hell got it. So, what do you want? Want me to take you back home? Want me to leave you in this goddamn cave?" He laughed bitterly, placing his hands on his hips and stressing the last word he'd speak to me, for a long while. "Want me to stay?"

I felt my resolve shatter as I fell to my knees, praying in my own little way that he'd be there to pull me off of them. And I don't think I'll ever be able to bring myself to blame him, as I remained on the floor, tears falling from my eyes as I realized that I'd made the worst mistake of my life.

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Short, slightly sad beginning to the next story arc! After the dumb.. break? I guess you could say, I finally know where I'm going with this story, and you guys, it ain't gonna be pretty.