Dear, You?

06-07-2019

Dear, You?
Sorry I haven't been in for a while, but to say the least you guys have missed a lot. You guy missed me becoming one more year closer to death. You guys missed me getting broken down torn apart, me becoming single after Otto left me. Oh me getting fucked hard, my giving my first blowjob.
     Oh, and I bet you can guess who fucked me. Who I gave the blowjob. If you're gonna guess Landon you're right! He no longer makes me promise it's our "last time" because he knows we will end up laying next to each other naked again. Because it always gonna happen. I kiss him, he grabs my ass or boobs, then he deepens the kiss touching my clit.
Same. Thing. Every. Time. So we don't try. We don't try to lay next to each other because we know we want each other. We want to be kissing each other. We want to be fucking each other hard. We want it. So I am done, saying I don't want it.
But I am so great full that I no longer feel your hands caressing my body. Or when I do I don't want you to stop, I don't feel violated. Or I don't say please because I wish I would have asked you to stop. But I no longer do that. I don't know why I did that. But I did. So now I have started my journey to reclaim my body, even if you touch it almost every night it's still mine. I can still say no.
So if the day ever comes that I say no and you force yourself on me, you can fuck off. It's my body and I can say no.
But I am sorry that the blow job was bad, I just know it was. Your dick made my mouth hurt and it kinda sucked. No pun intended but a great pun on accident. I think the hardest part is tasting you on my lips still. I mean I get to taste you often but damn, sometimes I will be just chillen and then I will taste him or get a smell of him and just want him.
His body on mine. His lips on mine. His dick thrusting inside of me. Cuming inside of me. Asking me what his name is, just so he can hear me moaning it out.
      But I have to wait. I have to wait until later at night. But also a huge risk comes with us having sex. What if a condom breaks, we are fucked. Like I would be pregnant and I am NOT down to have another pregnancy scare.
      Also last time we had sex you had a hella bad leg cramp so that was the same day I gave you a blowjob and thanks for being nice to me and just not being mean as fuck. But you have this fucking 7 in big ass rainbow dildo and you were like I got one more option for you and then he showed me this thing, and bu the way I had seen it before. So I was like sure why not and so he had me grab the lube and then just slid it in me. Like nothing. So that was a new experience.
      But then I started sucking your dick and you wanted to 69 (?) and I was like no, I can barely give you a good blowjob without you mouth fucking my pussy. So I couldn't finish him off-so sorry Landon-and it was great man. He came up on his stomach and it was like sexy? In a weird way. But is that weird? I don't really know man.
     Also I have this sexy bra and I wore it just for him. Don't know if he liked it but like oh well. He still fucked me hard, well with the dildo because that was the same time.
But like really. I have been taken off my old anti anxiety medication and put on new medication and hopefully this one will work so much better because I don't wanna sleep all the fucking time again. I do indeed have better things to do. Like fuck Landon.
Don't get me wrong, I still hate the bastard, but his dick feels good inside of me so I gotta pick my battles and he will not be one I will do because at very least he fucks good.
      Also my father sent me a necklace in the mail that had said on it "To my daughter. Dad loves you. You are braver then you believe. Stronger then you think. Loved more then you know." And it had me crying. Because it made me feel like the fuck up.
     So I was crying, and not only did I just get a card in the mail I also got a text message requesting to meet up sometime soon.
      And to be honest I don't know what to do.
           Love,
                     Emory Voncaco