Erwin x Reader: Hearts to the Cause

Chapter 4: Preparation

You and the survey corps will soon be returning to Shiganshina to hopefully close the holes in the wall and take back the district for humanity. You have many anxieties running through your head about the mission, you are almost certain that you will be put to rest on this mission. The survival rates are not looking too good.

You walk over to the mirror in your room and take a hard look at yourself. Your eyes are glossy from holding back tears, and you rub the area around them to try to calm down. Death is unescapable, you think starring yourself down. I would rather die bravely than running.

You hear a knock on your door, and make your way over to open it. On the other side of the door you see Captain Levi.

"Sir!" you say, swiftly saluting the petite man.

"Enough." Levi says flatly. "Get yourself ready, the squad is getting ready to head down to the Commander's office to go over the plans for Shiganshina. I expect you to be there in five minute."

Five minutes. Is he crazy? The walk alone is five minutes. "Certainly, Captain. I'll see you there promptly."

You hear a "tch" escape Levi's lips as he slams the door behind him.

You clumsily fumble around your room to get your uniform on. Once you are dressed, you run down the hallways and pray that you make it to Erwin's office within five minutes so Levi doesn't lose his cool. You reach for the handle of the Commander's office door and barge in. Only, you and Erwin are the only two in the room.

Erwin turns around to look at you with wide eyes, "In a hurry?" he asks.

"Sorry, sir! Levi told me to be here in five minutes! I didn't want to be late! you exclaim.

"Well have a seat, you are the first to arrive. Everyone should be here shortly." he says looking out the window. There is a sense of longing on his face that is laced with a tinge of sadness. You can only wonder what he is thinking in that moment. You go to ask but Levi and the rest of the squad make their way into the room.

"Thank you all for coming," Erwin addresses you all. "as you know, our next mission is approaching fast. This is the most important battle of our life time and I need to make sure that this particular squad is properly prepared."

You can't believe that you will all be in Shiganshina soon. You try to push the despair out of your head and listen as the Commander speaks, but it is pointless. There is an emptiness that is clawing at your insides. If you were able to unzip and step out of yourself in that moment you would.

You don't hear a word the Commander says. Which isn't necessarily a bad thing, things never go as planned with your missions outside of the wall. You know you will be able to successfully contribute regardless of your attention in the present day. The Commander dismisses everyone and you have the urge to linger behind.

"Do you have a question, cadet?" the Commander says, returning to look out of the window.

"Sir, I cannot help but notice that you seem distracted. I am fully aware that I may perish in this next mission. If you need to get something off of your chest, now is a better time than ever." you say to him, unbelieving of the nerve you have right now.

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Erwin was, once again, amazed by your selflessness. Only few individuals around him really know him; his hopes, dreams and motivations. Erwin only met you recently, but in this moment, he decided that he wanted you to join that select few.

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"Sit down." he said, turning his head to look at you. "It is a complicated story.

You were honored to have a man as honorable as Erwin Smith confide in you. His essence alone was enough to propel the human race forward into the future. You sat down and listened to his story. He told you about his father and the theories that he held close to his heart. He told you why he lived a lonely life, he never married or had children. He shut the world out for his dreams, and there was something admirable about that. He also went into great detail about how he felt about himself. He had so much grief inside of him from all of those he lead into battle and had fallen.

You were sitting down, in front of his desk-- speechless. Nothing you would say would take away his pain, or properly validate his feelings. You get up and walk over towards him. You gently place your hand on his broad shoulder. He tilts his head up to look at you, his eyes swimming in their own sorrow. "You're a good man." you say to him, with as much sincerity as you are capable of portraying in a single sentence. "It is an honor to be under your command."

Before you are able to pull away, Erwin grabs your hand and holds it tightly. "Thank you for your service." he replies. For the next several minutes you and Erwin lock eyes, unable to move. Eventually you pull away and head back you your room to prepare for the days to come.