"daaaang girl i want 2 slither my anaconda into u," frank iero said to the beautiful trinidadian queen of rap, onika tanya miraj.
"ew emo kid fuck off u ain't even got an anaconda u got a barbados threadsnake,*" she replied, totally slaying the fuck out of him.
(*the smallest snake species known to exist, according to google)
"ok ok i am sorry will u at least let me take u out for coffee sometime?" the super emo boy pleaded.
"are u paying??" nicki asked. she obviously made millions more than this depressing twat, but whatever, she wanted a free coffee.
"of course, m'lady," frank replied with a tip of his fedora.
"fine," onika sighed. "but don't expect me to let u toss my salad, because ur name is nowhere close to romaine. ur name reminds me of an old crusty grandpa."
he ignored her harsh words, just happy that she had given in. "are u free tomorrow?" he asked.
"ya, how about around 2?"
"2 PM i assume," frank joked.
"um no, actually, 2 AM. i am famous as fuck, which means i am also busy as fuck," nicki said.
"oh, well i'm pretty famous too. i have a band, my chemical romance!" he said, hoping to please the beautiful rap artist.
"that sounds almost as emo as you," she replied, picking at her long acrylic nails.
"yeah, it pretty much is. can i have ur number, sugar tits ;-)?"
"call me sugar tits again and i will slice ur tiny barbados threadsnake off ur body."
"im sorry, i'm not making a great first impression, am i?" he joked. nicki did not laugh.
"shut up punk kid," she said, handing him a slip of paper with her cellphone number on it. "see if u can find a cute café open at 2 AM, i don't want to drink ur nasty keurig shit."
"okay, i'll text u later!!" frank exclaimed happily. when nicki left (i know i didn't establish a setting im sorry ok just imagine them wherever you want. in the street, a dragon's lair, at a hockey rink, it's all up to you) frank jumped up and down excitedly. he had a smokin hot date tomorrow morning.
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an:
yay!!! first chapter of my chemical anaconda!!
please share, comment, and vote.
xo moonpetals
YOU ARE READING
My Chemical Anaconda
FanfictionOne day, a super emo musician, Frank Iero stumbles upon the most beautiful girl he's ever met, a famous female rapper named Nicki Minaj. He (somehow) manages to convince her to go out with him. At first, she only does it for the free coffee, but soo...
